TRIGGERATIONISMS...

Have you ever been in a situation when you didn't say something that needed to be said and later you said to yourself, "I wish I had said"...or..."I should have said"... Yeah, me too...

When most people hear the word trigger, they think of something negative.

"I was triggered." "They triggered me." "They know how to push my buttons."

But what if we've been thinking about triggers all wrong?

What if the most successful, peaceful, and emotionally healthy people don't have fewer triggers...they simply have better ones.

Join Dave for some TRIGGERING conversation about:

• Five Types of Triggers
• Five Ways To Install Triggers
•  Five Ways To Notice Trigger Opportunities

Life isn't won by having the perfect response.

It's won by preparing the right response.

The people who appear calm...Prepared.

The people who ask thoughtful questions...Prepared.

The people who remain kind under pressure...Prepared.

The people who seize opportunities...Prepared.

They didn't magically become that person.

They practiced becoming that person...Until it became automatic.

Your future isn't built only by the big decisions. It's built by hundreds of tiny moments where your response quietly determines your direction.

Install the right triggers and one day you'll notice something remarkable.

The situations didn't change...YOU DID!!!

Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave. Coming to you from Sin City, where what happens in Vegas is talked about everywhere. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hey, how are we doing out there? I hope you're doing great. I am top shelf, ready to go, and I love our topic today. I love it. The more you embrace this and even practice, come on. Practice? I hate practice. However, it will prepare you. And today we are talking about triggers. Installing the right triggers before life demands them. So when most people hear the word trigger, that's a negative thing. It's negative. Oh, I was triggered. They triggered me. They didn't really know how to push my buttons. But see, we I think we've been thinking about triggers all wrong. The whole woke movement and all the different things. Oh, I'm triggered. It's a shield or a sword or whatever. Being triggered is wrong. No, no, no. Not if you use it correctly. Because some of the most successful, peaceful, emotionally healthy people that I know, they don't have fewer triggers. They simply have better triggers. Because the truth is, life doesn't give you much time to think sometimes. The phone rings, somebody insults you, an opportunity appears out of nowhere. Or that your child asks a difficult question. When my daughter Victoria would ask a difficult question, a lot of times my son took care of it. He's two years older than her. He had a lot more wisdom than I did on some occasions. Or maybe the maybe your customer says, Yeah, we're considering another supplier. Or you've been giving them, you've been providing products or services for them for a long time, and all of a sudden they ask for a quote. Whoo, what do we do? Or maybe your significant other says, we need to talk. Or maybe one of your people makes a mistake, really messes up. Friend needs some help. You get a call from the doctor about your results. Or unannounced, maybe your boss walks into your office. Or do you get that call from someone you haven't heard from in a long time because of some sticky situations? All of these things demand a response. Triggers can help us with that. So that's what we're going to talk about. Because a lot of times that first response, it determines everything that follows that. Sometimes that happens. I know with my kids, I had some, I call them Andy Griffith moments where there's just the words came. It was just nine. I just, thank you, Lord. I don't know where that came from. A lot of times we can install what happens after we're triggered. Think about when you're driving. Okay? We're driving, I drive a lot. Think about when you're driving. You don't consciously think, okay, it's a red light. Should I stop? Let's weigh the pros and cons of this. No, that's not what you do. Red light, brake, automatic. That's a trigger. You're right. There's a lot of driving and analogies. If it's raining, okay, it's going to take a little longer to stop. Should something happen. You see those brake lights, you've already prepared for what might happen, and then you react to that trigger. The military, my goodness, they train with triggers. Pilots, police officers, martial arts in the ring. When this happens, you do this. You do this to keep from this happening. But if it does, here they're all triggers. Athletes, absolutely. Absolutely. So many triggers. And I'll talk to that a little bit more in a minute. Emergency room staff, you don't have time to think a lot of times. So you follow triggers. It's not just instincts. I think triggers, practice, preparation leads to a lot of instincts. But you need triggers. Because when the pressure hits, you don't rise to the occasion a lot of the occasion a lot of times. You fall back to your level of preparation, which allows you to respond quickly and appropriately. Wow. Are you triggered? And this is not just Davisms, it's not just an O talk because research around behavioral psychology, it shows that people under stress rely more heavily on habits than deliberate thinking. Those habits could be good, they could be not so good and could get us in trouble. That's why it's important to install them. Rehearsed responses, checklists. That's most of my I used to only do three. Now sometimes I do five, but things. Here's the steps. The getting to a good place process. It's five steps. And then you implement these processes and these triggers so you respond more effectively. The brain conserves energy by reaching for familiar patterns instead of inventing new ones in the moment. Now, an example of this, and it's really, I respect it a lot. Comedians who do crowd work, they have a lot of responses. They automatically say this. They say that, I'll say this. That gets a laugh. We do that. Then occasionally they get shocked and they respond. And sometimes they respond well, sometimes they don't. It's not as funny. They respond well, okay, let's put that, let's put that in there. If they don't respond well, then they could think. The next time someone says this, what would be a good response? They load it in the chamber when somebody says, boom, they respond, it gets a laugh. Okay, that's part of their preparation. And all of this, there's some really good news here. Because we can we can choose our responses based on predictable patterns. People, places, and things are very predictable. So that allows that preparation. You still can have, it's not boring, you can still ad lib and be very in the moment, which is great. There's a lot of things, though, that in our past prepares us for the future, and then we just do a little planning around our response. The problem is most people don't install intentional triggers. I absolutely do. Do I have them all? Absolutely not. A lot of people just inherit triggers. They inherit them. Somebody criticizes them, ah, they get defensive. Someone disagrees with them, or they interrupt, or they react instead of responding. Someone raises their voice, oh, they either shut down or raise their voice back. Those are inherited triggers. Maybe an opportunity comes, they hesitate. That hesitation can make all the difference in the world. Or conflict. I see this constantly. When conflict appears, most people either avoid it or don't respond well, but I see a lot of avoidance, and then driving home or maybe laying in bed later, out watering the yard, they just think, I wish I'd have said you think of the perfect response. We've all we have all been there. The thing is, that's a very expensive sentence. I wish I had said I should have said this. You gotta analyze it. Analyze, okay. I wish I'd have said that, really? Is that what I should have said? Or think through it. That would have led to this. Or is that the desired outcome? Would that have gotten me to a better place? Better, not vindictive, or all of those things. That's why predictability with your circles, with work, with traffic, with your relationships, it's very predictable. You know, people in your life that trigger you. We're gonna talk about it. People in your life that deserve a better response. We can do that too. The thing is, I wish I had or I should have. That's expensive. So let's address it. Let's talk about the different types of triggers, though. I've there's a bunch. I've lumped them into five different categories for today. And the first one, because there's so many that fit into these, the first one would be emotional control triggers. Emotional control triggers. When we set these, it prevents emotions from making permanent decisions. Because so many times our emotions are not the best way to go. Emotions lead to drama, lead to feelings, lead to hurt feelings, or whatever. We need these emotional control triggers because anger is fast. Anger is probably one of the worst emotions, but it's fast. Wisdom usually comes from slowing down a little bit or being ready without getting angry. I knew this was coming. Here's some triggers. Ah, here's how I respond to this person. I may respond differently to someone at work than I do someone at home, than I would one of my children versus my parents, or whatever that situation is. The average emotional reaction lasts only seconds. Maybe minutes, but usually seconds. But the consequences can last years. How many times have you heard somebody who's estranged or there's a battle or there's a feud because of something somebody said? Emotional. It got emotional. And you can't get that genie back in the bottle very easily. You can't unring that bell. Example, when someone says something offensive, your trigger becomes, okay, I'm not just gonna snap back. I'm a I consider myself a pretty good counterpuncher. And by good, I can respond. Somebody's sarcastic or snippy, oh, please bring it. I will be sarcastic and snippy back. A lot of times it's almost like in a fight, the the first punch never gets caught. The one who retaliates gets it. Same way with that. Somebody says something offensive, okay, I'll tear your little playhouse down. I'm the only one that they heard or that they remember. So to condition myself when someone is offensive or tries to embarrass me or put me in my place in public, that trigger, I can to I can feel my heart beating in my temples or in my neck. The trigger is when this happens, all right, let's just pause, let's just breathe. And then one wonderful tactic that I have learned is just ask a question. Instead of defending yourself, instead of lashing back, instead of, oh yeah, or your mama. Yeah. Do that. Pause. The pause is always great. Pause because take a breath and ask a question. Because this works. The reason it works is the trigger, I'm triggered, it interrupts that emotional autopilot. The trigger is not to act, the trigger is let's pause and breathe. This will save you a lot of grief. And if you've got a tongue like mine, it'll save you from getting hit with a wooden spoon coming out of some beef stew when you shouldn't do it. Yeah, it's a personal story. I really don't want to share it. It's still a little scarred from that one. But also that trigger, it interrupts your emotions, but it creates space between that stimulus and that response. And so you can the way you prepare for this is you can that question could be it doesn't have to be a question. It can be like, okay, yeah, tell me more before I respond. Tell me more of what you're talking about, or help me understand, or that's interesting. Or let me think about that. Let me think about that for a minute. Let me gather my thoughts. You said something that I don't want to respond yet. Let me think about that. Or we the classic thing was, were you trying to make a point? Or were you trying to be funny or just mean? Or what did you mean by that? Or can you say that again? That can just slow things down. And when you do that, they're gonna soften, unless they're just a turd or they really are coming at you. And that's okay, you've got other triggers too. But practice saying these and adjust it. Certain people, you know if they're gonna say something to try to push your buttons. All right. How do how when they do that, how am I gonna respond? What phrase works that better? Yeah, give me a second. Let me think about what you just said. That might be enough because they're gonna start talking. Well, here's the thing. Because you're coming across as more settled, mature, prepared, the adult in the room than they just were. And eventually you do this enough, that criticism, and it could be constructive criticism that you need to hear. If you snap back, there may be more that can help you out, man. So eventually that criticism is no longer triggering anger, it's triggering curiosity. Tell me more. I need to know. If it's really that bad, please. Let's talk about it. Rather than, oh yeah, I remember the time you wet your pants in the second grade. Yeah, probably not the best way. So those emotional triggers, those are important. The second one, courage triggers. Here we go. Here we go. Courage triggers. The whole purpose behind the courage triggers are to help you say things that need to be said. So many scenarios. So many scenarios. Most regrets don't come from saying too much or from what you said. It's when I should have said this. I said too little. I don't know. That that promotion or that raise you never asked for. Maybe something okay with them would trigger when they brag about something or when they give me a pat on the back or they tell me how valuable. All right, that's a good trigger. You don't know when it's coming, but when it does, here's what I'm gonna say. And hopefully I can get rewarded financially. If I'm that valuable, I appreciate it. I really would appreciate you thinking about this when that position becomes available. You're using their words and their momentum to take care of that. And it could be something else. Maybe it's maybe you've needed to apologize. I'll say this. I did I try not to get too personal. I forgot one of my best friend's birthday recently. That's not a negative. And I miss my buddy's birthday. And I talked to someone else that said something about, yeah, we went over there for his birthday. What? What? Oh, I can't believe I forgot his birthday. And so I was around him. He lives in San Diego. I live in Vegas. And I thought, what am I gonna do? I go, I don't want to just blatantly do it, I don't want to embarrass him, but I need to do it and I need to address this. I don't need to do some grand thing. And I thought, you know what? When we're together, we laugh and we cut up, and it's great. If there's a group of people around, oh, that just ags us on. And everybody is hilarious and we have a great time. But I thought, you know what? I need to say something. When we are alone and there is a lull in the conversation, should that happen? That's my trigger. And here's what I'm gonna say. All right, let's fast forward. About a week. Me and we were at we were at a place we go to all the time, just hanging out at the bar, and we were talking and laughing and saying hi to other people, and then it was just me and him, the other person had gone to the restroom, and we sat there and it's that quiet. It's never quiet. It triggered, and all of a sudden I'm looking straight forward, didn't even look him in the eye, went, sorry I missed your birthday, buddy. I just forgot. And he was ready. Dude, that's okay. You got a lot going on. I understand. I said, no, it's not okay. And I said my piece, he said his piece, a couple of pats on the back, and we were back to hacking on each other. But that was my trigger. And I was so relieved. And he took it, he handled it like a champ and made me feel better. But that was a trigger of something I needed to say. And I'm not fighting a war here. I call it a courage trigger. But I needed to say that. Very simple. There's so many others. Yeah. But that apology is the one that I needed to get out. Or maybe it's a thank you. I don't know. Maybe it's a boundary you never established. Maybe it's somebody keeps talking about this and it maybe it makes you feel negative before you leave. Put that boundary up. I know in the garage, no politics, no religion. Don't do it. Don't do it. And that's a boundary. And that's a trigger when they did that. Say, you know the rules, guys. Don't make me repeat them. All of that's important. So whenever it's almost like whenever your heart is racing, you know you need to say something. Your heart races before you speak. Say it anyway. Especially if you've prepared for it, but say it anyway. It can be just a hold on, hold on a minute. Don't be rude, don't be emotional. Just be honest. Here's where I am. I'm uncomfortable with this. I don't know what I think about this, but I know I'm not really comfortable with this conversation. Or the way you're treating me, or the way you're treating them. Stand up. You can sort it out later. And you'll get better at it over time. And one way to do this is just think about it now. You may be driving or whatever, you got a pen and pencil handy. Just one way to prepare for these courage triggers is jot down three conversations you've been avoiding. Think about that. Three conversations you've been avoiding home, work, play, with your buddy, with your boss, with your significant other, with that friend. There's so many. Maybe you're worried about them. Maybe they're worried about you. And here's the thing those conversations just jot it down. Now, what I would love for you to work on is just the opening sentence. No, it wasn't life-changing. I forgot my buddy's birthday. That was my opening sentence. Sorry, I forgot about your birthday, buddy. That's it. And the rest just took care of itself. But I addressed it, it was there, it was controlled.

unknown 21:30

Ah.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah. That first sentence is the hardest because that's the courage part. You got to get that out to get to the rest. Family's really tough with this. You've got strong personalities, you've got legacies. I remember in the in church in the Baptist church when a charter member, I heard that till I was blue in the face, a charter member that meant somebody had been around since the church started. Usually. You didn't have that many around. But if they did when they spoke, they had more weight than everybody else's. Well, sometimes, just because you've been doing something for a long time doesn't mean you're good at it. Just because you're old doesn't mean you're wise. And sometimes it takes courage to have a different point of view. So practice that first sentence, and that'll help you with your courage triggers. I guarantee it. Okay. That took courage. Thank you. The next are opportunity triggers. So big. The whole purpose behind these is to recognize opportunities before they disappear. Sometimes it's they happen very quickly, they're come and gone. Sometimes they hang around a little bit longer, but if you don't answer that door, that person's not going to keep knocking. And you need this because opportunities, a lot of times, they don't announce themselves. Boom, there they are. They look like it could be a it could be a conversation. It could be an introduction to somebody you don't know, and all of a sudden they're there, and you find out, oh, this is could be a good person to know. Oh, it could be an attractive person who finds you attractive all of a sudden, and now what are you going to do? It's an opportunity. Could be a problem. A lot of times it will be a problem. It will be a problem. Maybe it's a complaint you need to address. Or maybe it's a question that you may or may not have a good answer for. You can help with that. Yeah. So the trigger, when somebody says, We're struggling with this, your brain immediately goes to, especially if in business or somebody you really want to help, you go with, okay, we're struggling with this. Okay, hey, how can I help? Yeah. Business is not what can I sell, it's how can I help? You need to be prepared too, because that's going to lead to when they tell you, and that's a lot. That trigger is you work through that. How do I answer these things? In business, we prepare for this stuff. With family, I know with friends, it's friends or peers or people that we love. We want to help. We want to help. And it's easy. How can I help? What can I do? You're having struggle? Okay. And maybe it's relating a little bit. Wow. Maybe you struggle with that too. Don't make it about you. Maybe you know have a friend who struggled with that same same thing. Don't make it about them, but use that as a foundation for when they say, How can I, when you say, how can I help? And they tell you, now you have more of a foundation. My granddad said, Papa always said, Don't you don't have to say everything you know. But the thing is, to way to prepare for these, become intensely curious. We're having trouble with this. Okay, tell me more. One of the best lines I ever came up with in debugging problems in saving time, when somebody comes to me with a challenge, it's what have you tried that hasn't worked? If it's breaking into a customer, if it's selling a product, if it's addressing strong personalities at home, work, or play, what have you tried that hasn't worked? Because problems create opportunities. You work through a problem, it will create an opportunity. That's why we should not run from them. And opportunity triggers are a fantastic way to enhance and build and grow, become closer, and create a bond that's long lasting. Homework or play. Okay. One of my favorites, number four, is a gratitude trigger. Love it. One of the main reasons is because to keep negativity from becoming your default setting. We talk about default face. You got joy in your heart. Maybe your heart needs to talk to your face. The trigger, the gratitude trigger, keeps you from defaulting to the negative. Oh, I see it all the time. All the time. And I've tried to work with people, a lot of different personalities, you have to work with them in different ways. But our brains, we've talked about it, naturally remember criticism more than a compliment. It's just natural. It's the way it's wired. Without intentional gratitude, negativity wins by default. Automatic. Tie goes to the runner. Intentional gratitude. That my goodness. Those two words are so important. So every time you sit down for dinner, think about it. Name one good thing. Name one good thing. Oh, this looks great. Oh, this smells fantastic. Or maybe you say something, oh, after a day like today, it's been so good. I didn't think it'd get much better, but my goodness, look at this. Thank you so much. I appreciate this. Look at all this food. Ah, I've been waiting for this dish for so long. This dish reminds me of my grandmother and blah blah. There's so many things. Every phone call with family, friends, whoever, express your love. Express appreciation. Share the laughter before you hang up. And if it's a heavy call, if it's a heavy call, there's nothing to be, there's nothing to be happy, jovial, giggly about before you hang up. It means a lot to me that you would share this with me. Or it's a tough time, but we have so much love for each other, we're gonna get through this, and I'm thankful for you. You can say that at anything, and that what a way to end the call. Or at work, a successful project. Celebrate, take a minute and celebrate. Maybe the project's not over, maybe it's a step. Maybe one person stepped up. Recognize them, celebrate it. There is always something to celebrate. Always and the way you prepare for this is just make it a habit. Make gratitude a habit and attach it to your existing behavior. Smile. Thank you. When somebody says thank you, you are welcome. What we learned when we were kids. It's a beautiful day. I'm so thankful. I'm so glad you guys are here. I'm so glad I got to share this with you guys. And just I'm in a band and we just got back from Sturgis, and every little thing, every little person, every person that helped us, the staff, we didn't ask to ask for anything twice, but we know I heard my group and I was so proud of them. And it was, it's not my group, it's our group. But every time somebody does thank you so much, oh, that looks great. I would have never been able to do that. Oh, I asked you for this, and man, you knocked it out of the park. It's just part of how we operate. So when somebody's waiting on your table at a restaurant, thank you so much. They may be having a horrible day. You got a turd over here at another table that's not being nice or kids spilling stuff or whatever, that extra bit of gratitude from you, it's fantastic. And it's good for everybody. The triggers with gratitude are easy, but the rewards are so much stronger for everybody. So I think you know how I feel about gratitude. Okay. The last one I'll talk about. There's so many more. We'll talk about perspective triggers. The purpose of these are to keep small problems from blowing up into emotional extravaganzas. Perspective triggers. So important. Why do you need it? You're gonna have a flat tire. Sometime. When? I don't know. Have you ever had one? Okay. No, you're gonna have one. You and your family ever had one? It's a flat tire. When did you expect it? No, you didn't. Yeah. Flat tires. Slow internet. How about that? We were talking earlier about the problems of uh people traveling across country and a hundred years ago and all the things that they didn't have enough food or crime or whatever the situation is. Now slow internet's the big problem. Yeah. Yeah. Traffic. You know it's gonna be there. It's just you may not know when. I'm beeboping along, everything's great, and all of a sudden I see brake lights in the middle of the desert. What? Yeah, there's a tire truck that's on fire up there. It looks like World War VIII. You don't know. It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. Delayed flights? My goodness. I don't know. I've had a rash of those lately. How about people who reply to all the scourge of the email world? I gotta tell you, those in Solana Beach, you've got, it's my little town I'm from, and I live for a while, but you've got they've the the sicklers are taken over. They've taken over a lane, they give them their own. They got two-thirds of either way, but yet that's not enough room. They come over. And don't get me started on those people hanging out in the passing lane. You're hang, you're not passing, you're obstructing. Yeah, all these. Oh, these irritations. Life contains a plethora of these. And the trigger is whenever something frustrates you, I've gone through a list just now. A line. Standing in line. Oh, it shouldn't be a line. It's more of a procession or a parade instead of a line. Standing in line. All these things that frustrate you or me. Just ask a question. Will this change my life? Will this is this a big deal next week? Next year. Will I? I got trapped on the five south after a gig and was trapped on the five for eight and a half hours. Spent the night with our singer. I had a great time. Slept a little. Prayed that I didn't have to use the bathroom, but eight and a half hours. I was pretty much over it the next day. It was crazy. It's a great story. The thing is, will this matter? When's the last time you stood in a Starbucks line? When's the last time you stood in security at the airport? Yeah. Hey, it's frustrating. Yeah. It's not life-changing. You miss your flight, you catch another flight. The guy cuts you off in traffic. I'm just grateful we didn't hit each other. Now we can bitch about it because it's fun. However, that trigger. Perspective triggers. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal. I spilled salsa on my shirt. I always spill salsa on my shirt. I spill salsa on my shirt when I'm not eating salsa. I don't know that happened. Perspective? It's amazing. And I don't use that word much. But it is amazing when you use a perspective trigger. How many problems shrink? At least this. Or I have this. Or what's next? All of these things make a lot of the frustrations of today shrink. And remind yourself. Use a gratitude trigger when you have a perspective trigger. Whew, we're safe. We're fine. We may be a little late. We may not be as early. That's a little shot to my kids. That's what I always say. All those things. But notice it and shrink it. Will this matter a year from now? Will this matter once I get there? Yeah. We need triggers. We need them. Because without them, emotion becomes our decision maker. Fear becomes our planner. Silence many times becomes the answer. Oh, it's not good. And then afterwards we replay conversations, we rewrite arguments that are never going to happen. And we create the most brilliant responses. We'll lock and load those for later. But we do it all three hours too late. It's over. Triggers can reduce, if not eliminate, that whole, I wish I had said. Because you probably already decided what kind of person you want to be, and you get to rethink it and be ready for next time. So the thing is, how do we install these? That's great, Dave. You've raised some riveting points here. How do we install them? Some of it's just you do over time. Anytime somebody says I can't or we can't or we shouldn't. My automatic trigger is not with that attitude. As a matter of fact, when somebody says that in an O talk in a group setting, somebody says the word can't, somebody will usually say before I can't. Well, not with that attitude, which is great. It's learned behavior. I remember back at tennis, we would drill like crazy. And the thing is, Larry would say, or coach would say, you do this over and over, and you're ready so that when it happens, you even have to think about it. You just respond. Just call it instinct, call it muscle memory, whatever. You can have a tennis. Golf is a great any sport, really. You have that. That's why you practice so much. Comedians with hecklers, they've got their responses. They know what to do. They look for it. It's an opportunity. I even have hecklers from time to time. Believe it or not. Road trip traffic. Think about that. Okay, you see a guy coming up from behind and he's weaving in and out, or a guy up front just hanging out in the passing lane, or it starts to rain, or the wind is coming up, something happens. You just naturally have these instincts of what to do if you're paying attention, and that is necessary. You need to pay attention. But a lot of these, they're triggers that you install when this happens. It's an if-then statement. When this happens, if this happens, then I do this. So a few ways to do this. I love to attach them to existing habits. You're already doing stuff. Yeah. Every time you buckle your seatbelt, take one deep breath. Okay, that's part of the launch sequence. I remember my mom before you she used to answer the phone, the phone on the wall with the old mangled cord every time. But the phone didn't ring that often, but when we it did, right before she picked up the phone, she would go, she would clear her throat. She would clear her throat, so she's ready. That was just a habit that she did that was in stall with what she did and it prepared her for what. Because sometimes she probably didn't, and she sounded all gravelly or whatever. I don't know. That's one of the things I missed when she wasn't around anymore. The phone would ring at dad's house, and I was so used to hearing hello. Just one thing. Every morning, when you're having your coffee, what are you gonna do? Add it to it. I'm gonna think about this. Who am I gonna see? What does my morning look like? What are some possible triggers? You think through it, you review all the priorities.

unknown 38:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

I tell you one thing a good habit to do, a good trigger, smile while you're talking on the phone. They can't see you, but you sound different. Differently. Whatever. But attach them to a habit. When I'm driving, I'm gonna do this. When I I don't know, when I see someone or I pass someone, I'm gonna say hi. I'm gonna say good morning. I'm gonna smile. I'm gonna wave. Something like that. Attach that to an activity. Another thing, and I say this, and I don't know how much you do it. My life improved when I started doing this. Write stuff down. I don't care if it's on a sticky note or if it's on your mirror in the bathroom or stick it in your wallet or just notes in the Marge, whatever. Whatever. Visibility creates consistency. That could be that little note, smile. When inside salespeople, smile. Or don't forget to say thank you. Whatever that is, write it down. Think it through, then write it down to remind you. There's no shame in that. No shame in that at all. That'd be great to just leave a post-it note for somebody, just a word of encouragement. Whatever that is. That's gonna trigger something in them. One of the things too is practice your triggers responses before you need them. Professional athletes, they don't practice during the game. Neither should you. Who am I gonna see? Who's gonna push my buttons today that usually do? Okay, when they do, okay, I've known what my response is. Yeah, but you can say it out loud. I live alone, so I talk all the time. But part of that, it's you're ready. You're ready. You already know. You've said it. Those words, saying it out loud. Sometimes you'll have you'll have a courage trigger and you won't do it just because you haven't said say it. What does it sound like? And when it comes out of your mouth, ah, it's beautiful. So practice them before you need them. Especially those courage triggers. And I think you'd be the a good way to install these in your life is just start small. One trigger. This week, anytime someone says this, I'm gonna say that. Anytime I hear can't, I'm gonna say not with that attitude. And I've said it to CEOs when I was way down the ladder, and everybody chuckles. Everybody chuckles. But yeah, don't put 20 in. Just one. This week, that's what I'm working on. It's installed. You use it, and it becomes part of who you are. Just one. Just one. Think of it. And then a great way to install triggers in your life is when you're looking at your day. Think about it. When did I need a trigger today? Yeah, that happened. Man, I was caught flat footed. Whew, what? That's when you go through what I should I have said, what could I have said? What was an opportunity? What was an opportunity? So tomorrow, if this happens, when I hear that, here's how I'll respond. It's fantastic. And then maybe in the morning when you're sipping on that coffee, you review that. Yeah. And then a lot of people that just goes past them and they don't really know how to notice a trigger opportunity. One way to find trigger opportunities in your life is just notice what's frustrating you. Like we talked about before. Same situation keeps upsetting you over and over. That needs a trigger. A topic, a person, a place. It needs a trigger. Because that trigger will cause you to respond more appropriately until it's exactly what you want. And then you install it. So whatever frustrates you. So listen for things too, I wish, or I should have, or next time. All those are trigger opportunities for you. Other people may do it too, and okay, maybe you can help them with those. But when you do that, look at yourself. When you say, when you think or say, I wish I should have done this, or next time, you know what? Next time, gotcha. Those are trigger opportunities. And then there's a lot of emotional patterns. Where do you consistently overreact? Oh, I can think of a bunch for me. Or maybe you overreact or you withdraw or freeze. Or what causes you to interrupt somebody? Yeah, somebody's saying something funny. Well, you got a funny story too. Somebody's saying something mean. I'm mad about something too. Okay. Those are all emotional things. Those are they're also very predictable. You know the people you're going to be around. You know yourself. Predictable moments deserve predictable responses. Trigger. Another thing, you everyone has people in their life or have had people in their lives that they admire. Notice it or remember it. What do they consistently do? How do they respond to the same? Situations. Confidence usually has a system built behind it. That wisdom, they used to be emotional just like you, but look how they respond. And it's okay to ask them. And they'll give you some wisdom that found I found out this. Or in my life I've learned this. Or I used to not be this way, but I've learned boom. Wisdom. Learn from people that you admire. And then the last one I'll share is just ask yourself, what kind of person do I want to become? Or how do I want to come across to people who are important to me? And then create triggers that support that identity. A great word of advice I had early on is dress like the job you want, dress like the position you want. When everybody else was wearing polos, I was wearing creased white button downs. I look like somebody was a position above me. And that's just a small example. However, what kind of person do I want to be? Calm, compassionate, fiery, passionate. You can be all of these. But in different situations, what is that? And how do I build triggers to support that? Triggers are so important. Life isn't one by having the perfect response. It's one by preparing a better response or the right response. People who appear calm, they're prepared. People who ask thoughtful questions, they're prepared. People who remain kind under a lot of pressure, they're prepared. And then people who seize opportunities, they're ready. Because they're prepared. They didn't just magically become that person. They're not that work of art under glass right out of the womb. Please. They practiced becoming that person over time. Until it becomes more almost automatic for them. So your future isn't built only by your big decisions. It's built on hundreds of tiny moments where your response quietly determines your direction. Install the right triggers. It's so important. Because one day you'll notice something remarkable. The situation didn't change. These things keep happening. The same things, the same people, the same frustrations. Huh? What changed? You did, because you're prepared. So don't wait for life to decide how you'll respond. Decide now. And let your triggers remind you of who you choose to become. I don't think I can say any better than that. All right. Let me know what you think. Let me know what triggers you've installed or need to install. Let me know your challenge. I love working on triggers. Let me know. Email me, david at o talks.com or dave at o talks.com. Hit me with them. I love them. We can work through it. It's fantastic. I appreciate you hanging out. I appreciate you hanging on. But most of all, I appreciate you O talking with Dave. Giddy up.