KNOW-IT-ALLS

Do you know anyone who is a KNOW-IT-ALL?  Yeah, me to...

There are people in this world who know everything, at least according to them.

You know these people.

You can’t tell a story without them interrupting halfway through to explain how they had it worse, did it better, fixed it faster, or knew about it before it was popular.

Join Dave for some INFORMATIVE talk about:

• The Human Condition of “Knowing”
• Giving Away Their Power Through Absolutes
• 5 Reasons Some People Become Know-It-Alls
• 5 Negative Effects They Bring Into Environments
• Long-Term Impact
• Names People Use for These Types
• 5 Ways To Attempt To Change Their Behavior
• 5 Ways To Deal With Them

If you know somebody like this, remember: Their behavior usually says more about their internal need than your external worth.

And if you ARE somebody like this...You do not have to prove your value in every conversation.

Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave. Coming to you from his fortress in Sin City, where what happens in Vegas is talked about everywhere. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hey, how we doing out there? I hope you're great. I hope you're top shelf. I hope you're having a great day. Because today we're going to talk about. I guess it's a pet peeve of a lot of us. The thing is, sometimes we do it ourselves. Today we're going to talk about know-it-alls. Okay, let's pause a moment. First of all, think of the know-it-alls in your life. Home, work, or play. Think about it. Work. Think about work. Okay. I got a couple. I have about a dozen from the past. Okay, at home. The home could be your family, immediate family. We'll call them moms and dads too. Put some in-laws in there with a smattering of cousins and aunts and uncles. Maybe a grandparent. Okay. Now at play. Ah, that golf buddy. If you play pickleball, I don't, it doesn't matter. So many know it all is out there. These are people who who know everything or have a strong opinion on most things. According to them is the most important thing. You know these people. Yeah. You can't tell them a story without them either interrupting halfway to explain how they had it worse or better, did it better, fixed it faster, knew about it before it was even popular. They've either got to have it worse or better. Yeah. If you say I have a rough day, rough, let me tell you about rough. Okay. I didn't I didn't even. Okay. Yeah. If you mention a restaurant, huh? Well, of course. They know the owner. What does that matter? Well, I go there for the food, not the management. You mention a little back pain, and oh, they've had three surgeries while hiking uphill in a tornado carrying a refrigerator in the snow. Yeah, these people. You can't even have a flat tire around these people. Suddenly, you get a 45-minute TED talk on why you got it, how to keep from getting it, and if you have to change it, here's the best way to do it. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, they at least wait for you to end your story. That's, I mean, a know-it-all. If you can get through your story, then you can just zone out. But however, a lot of times they don't even give you that luxury. And these people, uh, they they cannot not let you know how much they know. It can be a better way, another way, the old way. Maybe the only way. Or your way was already wrong before you even finished explaining what your way is. You're in the way of your own way. And the crazy part is most of them genuinely don't know they're doing it. You believe that? They don't. And you know how I know this? A lot of times, know-it-alls will complain about other know-it-alls and really describe themselves themselves. Now, a full disclosure, I have been called a know-it-all many, many, many times. And a know-it-all doesn't mean you do, it means that you think you do. Yeah, my email's full of this stuff just because I pontificate on things. Oh, you think you know everything. Uh, somebody called me Alex Trebek the other day, said, Oh, you think you have all the answers. Anybody can, anybody can do what you do if they're just reading or they have the answers or have their strong opinion. Okay, well, okay, I get it. And maybe I am sometimes. Maybe I am. But there's a human condition of knowing in air quotes. Psychologists often point to something called the illusion of superiority. People believe they are above average in intelligence or driving ability or judgment. Maybe work ethic. I don't know. Maybe they just make better decisions. They have this superiority complex about something, which is mathematically impossible unless Earth is populated entirely by motivational speakers and bass fishermen. It's just not going to happen. Studies repeatedly show that people interrupt more when they feel insecure. Think about that one. Insecure. Or, you know, it could be just emotionally unrecognized or desperate to establish status. Think about that. Have you ever been around people when there's a there's a group and there's a new person to the group and they overdo it to fit in. They try to be funnier than the funniest guy. They try to be smarter than the smartest guy. They just don't try to be quieter than the quietest guy. And this is because they're they're trying to establish, doesn't mean they're bad people. They're just doing those things. They're either insecure or they feel emotionally unrecognized, or they're desperate to establish status. The thing is, most, we'll just say many know-it-alls, they're not trying to actually teach you anything. The better way, they're not really trying to teach you that. They're just trying to matter. And there's a big difference in those two things. Big difference. So, I mean, know-it-alls are like a GPS system that keeps recalculating even after you park the car. Okay, we're finished with that. Oh, okay, we're here. You don't have to tell me four other ways I could have come to this place. Or a better way. We're here. Or like a smoke detector with a low battery's chirping during your conversations. That's like a know-it-all. Like a like job of the hut with that little whatever it was on his shoulder or whatever, however, he's built. Remember the old pop-up ads? You're doing something, all of a sudden a pop-up ad on your computer. That's what know-it-all, they just pop in and may pop out. They're not trying to teach, they just need to matter. Yeah. Some of the worst are I don't like grilling or barbecuing when people are around, especially other men. They'll either insinuate or tell me straight out or make faces around, hmm. Ooh. Oh, you're turning those already? You turning those again? Or or golf. Oh, I I had a guy one time, I had him by five strokes, and he was, we weren't, it was a casual game. Um I'm not that good, but I was better than this guy. But he had he knew everything wrong with my swing. Yeah. So the biggest irony around this is the louder someone insists how much they know, the more often they reveal what they don't. Yeah. Humility. Self-awareness, timing, listening skills, or any kind of any kind of peace. They can't they can't seem to relax. It's tough. You know, and a lot of the know-it-all mentality is around absolutes. And go way back to giving away power. This is the one of the the most universal way to give away power is to is to be absolute about something. It g it really gives away your power. Because know it all, know it all, love know it all absolutes. You always. That never works. Everybody knows the only way. Trust me, trust me, you give away your power so quickly. The problem with absolutes is there's no curiosity in an absolute, there's no humility. That's why one of the things I also talk about with an absolute, if you find yourself, if it's purple car or you're clicking around absolutes a lot, use a softener. Like, like, I don't. Everybody knows something, you know, in my opinion, or I think, or if it was up to me, soften it a little so you're not so certain and absolute. Because the moment you believe you already know everything, well, you stop learning. You stop listening, you stop connecting, and you stop, you stop progressing. And the thing is, you stop all of those things in other people's opinion as well. And eventually you people just stop being honest around you. You know, they just try to get through it. Their eyes roll when you walk up because it's oh, here we go again. You know, I just wanna I just want to eat my sandwich. Nobody enjoys being in a conversation that feels like an examination. Yeah. So people people become know-it-alls. Sometimes they're know-it-alls around certain things or situations or certain homework or play environments that triggers something with them. And I I think we all exhibit know-it-all behavior from time to time, and it can come from insecurity. You know, if you're insecure about something, well, knowledge about either that or something else, that becomes some armor that protects your soft spot. So insecurity is one of them. Also, fear of irrelevance. That's the biggest thing now with with I'll say, I'll say teenagers and even older, even all ages, but especially teenagers, I think. You they want to matter, they want to become relevant. But I've seen this a lot in corporate America. They need they need their opinion appreciated. They need that soundbite from that meeting. They'll say stupid things to hopefully say something that is a soundbite that's grasped onto. It's a positive affirmation, or maybe maybe it's repeated at some point. They're terrified of not being needed. Yeah. And a lot of times it's just the ego and the identity. You know, you gotta be the smart one, or you've got to be the funny one, or you've got to be the good-looking one, and that's how you identify that supports your ego. Okay, I I get it. I get it. There's a lot, there's a lot of pressure on that stuff around ego and identity. Truly, uh do you know anybody that has no self-awareness? They have no clue how they appear or look or have placed themselves. Yeah. Nobody ever told them you don't have to comment on everything. When you do, that makes them a little more self-aware. And it kind of makes you the bad guy. Although somebody needs to, sometimes you can just let that go. You know a better way? Okay. Yeah. Recipes. Oh my goodness. I'm from the I'm from the South, and you go to church, and then a lot of church books, uh, church books, a lot of churches publish cookbooks and they sell them to you know create some money for a cause, which is great. But the competition in these cookbooks, oh my goodness, somebody had changed the slightest little thing, and they're either lauded or condemned because of it. And a lot of people just have a validative validation addiction. Say that five times real quick. Correcting people gives them a just a punch. I have people in my life that some real close to me that can't help it. I'll say it. My son is one of these people. He doesn't, if he's privy to a conversation I had with someone, then later I tell someone about that conversation and I I mix words up. I don't lie, I represent it basically in the spirit of the conversation. But if it's not right, he he has to correct the record. Now, here's here's what he actually said. Didn't change anything. But see, some people have that. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people who do it to put someone in their place and at the same time raise them. I'm I know what I'm talking about. If you need to know something, I'm your source. That it's an emotional reward. And I've said it many, many, many times. They don't even know how they're coming across. They don't know it at all. Because they think they're helpful or experienced, or they're just passionate, or they're they're educating others, they're doing a public service here. They're just being honest. And those are noble things. Noble things. But meanwhile, everybody else in the world in the room is mentally updating whatever their fantasy football team are just waiting for them to stop talking. And the hardest part is many know-it-alls. They're intelligent people, but intelligence without awareness is exhausting. I know many, many intelligent people on paper, they can prove it. They've got degrees, but they're not smart, and being around them is exhausting. Because everything is either they're the best or their worst, or imagine having to correct people constantly or to speak on every topic. Now I'm a talker. Ask anybody. I can turn a sentence into a paragraph. And I know from a from a childhood, my dad would just say, son, you're just rattling. Meaning, just talking. I talk a lot of nonsense. Some say I still do. But I hope I haven't gotten to the point where I'm having to constantly correct people or tell them a better way. Yeah. Because it has some negative negative effects long term. And I'll just talk through the homework and play. At home, people just stop sharing openly. I mean, this can be your your wife, your kids, your friends. They they're just not going to say certain things or certain topics around you. Around you. My mom, God rest her soul. She could every time we would eat out, which wasn't very often, until I got out of the house and they started eating, eating out a lot. Everything, she can make it better. She can make it better. I can make it better than this. Of course you can. Then why didn't you? Why'd you come out here and say that? I thought it was pretty good. I can't. So people, I don't we we didn't talk about recipes or or how good someone's food was. Because it's you're gonna hear about it. Also, conversations become you you you be quiet because they you don't want to be emotional, um, emotionally unsafe there. If I bring this up, this is gonna lead to that, and that could lead to something else, and this is not gonna end well, so I don't feel comfortable. And then children, you gotta I this isn't as much a problem nowadays, but children if they feel constantly corrected, their self-esteem goes down. I don't see this happening. I have I took four flights last week and I didn't see one child with a self-esteem problem. Most of them had a tablet and ordering the parents around. However, I remember back in the day, I was guilty of this. I was I was pretty tough on my kids there for a while. Just it was mostly around behavior. If we're outside, you know, let's keep her voice down, let's not do that. You're too loud, you're too this, you're too that. Same stuff I heard. I think they're I think they're doing just fine though. But then you do it to your your partner, and eventually they just feel dismissed. They don't know anything. Yeah, so hurts the relationship. And what happens is that tension quietly grows, and you you have you have formed an aura about yourself that's gonna be hard to overcome. You can, and we're gonna talk about it. But at work, if you're a know-it-all, people don't want to collaborate with you. The morale around if you're leading the team drops, turnover can go up. Meetings are more about hostage negotiations. Just get me out of here. Uh, incidentally, I've got I've got a no-talk coming up on you know 10 reasons most meetings and conference calls are a complete waste of time. So that's coming. Yeah. And then you know, when you when people are stifled because of a know-it-all, well, innovation and creativity suffers. People just aren't going to bring it up. Oh, that's a crazy idea. I remember one time, blah, blah, blah, and then they talk for 10 minutes. And then your most talented people will just disengage. Yeah. Any of this sound familiar? And if you're the one and you're not aware of it, uh-oh. Oop, hello. And then at play, nobody wants to relax. You can't relax around you if you're an Oit All. Fun is it's not fun anymore. It's a competition. It's a competition. The long drive, the short drive, the long putt, the equipment, the day. Any anything they don't do well, it's there's an excuse for it. Anything you don't do well, it's because well, they're better than you. And the group dynamic will suffer. And people just avoid inviting them. A lot of a long time. Over time, I mean, there's some long-term impacts. Over time, know-it-alls often become isolated and they don't know why. They don't why. It's just trying to help. I believe that. People respect their knowledge, but they avoid the presence. Because eventually others stop asking questions when every reaction becomes a correction, a comparison, a competition, or just a debate over nothing. And the saddest part is many of these people want a connection. But their need to always be right slowly outweighs their ability to simply be present. So what do we what do we call know-it-alls? Instead of know-it-alls, what is it? What are some things? Think of a few. I'll name I'll name some that I've heard. If you call somebody bossy, okay, then some degree they're a know-it-all. They're telling everybody what to do. Stubborn. I'm stubborn. I'm very stubborn. My way's better. Okay. Well, that's kind of a know-it-all. Condescending. That for those of you who aren't smart, that means looking down on someone. I've got that t-shirt and I love it. Yeah. Opinionated. Pushy. Controlling.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Whoo.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah. Arrogant, of course.

unknown 21:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

A one upper. Oh. Can't stand the one uppers. That is, those people give away a lot of power.

unknown 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Or just a you know, conversation. Hijacker. So here's a couple of things. Let's just say you're not a know-it-all. Just for argument's sake. What are some ways that you can change their behavior? No, it's not foolproof. But what are some things you can do? Because again, they may not even know it. What are some things you can do? So if if they they interrupt you, you can just calmly redirect the conversation. Like, oh, interesting. Anyway, and continue. Don't lose your spot. But you've acknowledged them. You've even said interesting, and then you went on with yours. So it's like, oh wait. Don't let them have it. Redirect it and continue. Also, don't reward constant correction with emotional engagement. You know, they can't be right all the time. And you don't have to uplift their ego. No. So don't reward it with your drama for drama. Another one, set a conversational boundary politely but firmly. And that can look like, you know, I I'd like to talk about that maybe, but let's finish this one first. Or I have some more that I need to say that might be important before we go into something.

unknown 23:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Or ask questions instead of debating. This this often exposes their rigidity a little gentler. Yeah. Hmm.

unknown 23:43

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Why do you feel that way? Let them talk. Has that always worked for you? Oh, tell me more. Let them get it out of their system. But don't buy into it yet. And then I a lot of it, and it most people, most know-dolls can't take a hint. However, sometimes if you model good listening practices yourself, sometimes that awareness will be contagious. You know, a lot of times it's, you know, it in meetings or something, if I have something to say or a question or a comment, a lot of times I'll just look at whoever's leading it and just put my hand, like, you know, I have when when we get a moment, I have something to say on this topic. Something like that. And if other people see you do that, they'd be less likely to interrupt. And a good leader will say, Yep, I got you. And come back to you or brag on you for doing that, so other people will do that. So there's just some ways. But then sometimes you just have to deal with them. You just have to deal with that know-it-all. Because most of the time people don't. They don't. So if you're going to deal with it, don't personalize it. Most behavior, it existed long before you got here. It's not toward you. They're trying to matter. Sometimes they step on some people, but don't take it personal. That's how to deal with them. And just understand, this is a conversation. This is a weather front that's going to work its way through. Pick your battles carefully. Not every wrong opinion deserves a trial, whether it's yours or theirs. So don't we don't have to fight about it. We can agree to disagree. Well, I can see that's that's one way. It's not the way I would choose. But if if it gets you through, we don't have to battle over it. Don't die on that hill is another way to say that. I use humor when I use humor whenever possible. A lot of people don't think I'm funny, but then again, hmm. But humor diffuses tension better than combat. I mean, self-deprecating, whatever you want to use, but it's, you know, I remember one time we had a big uh we had a big meeting, and then we presented our our findings to the CEO. He comes in and we let him know what we came up with, this wonderful plan, and he trashed it. And then it was very quiet. And it it was he he deserves to be an o-it-all. He was a CEO. And I just said his name was David, and I said, Well, Dave, thanks for lobbing a turd in our punch bowl. And that lightened the tension. Thankfully, he laughed. But use humor when possible. Then also limit that emotional investment. I said it earlier. Don't don't get upset. Stay calm. Stay calm. Your calmness will point a finger at their emotion and it will reveal it. And a lot of times, a lot of times it helps the situation. But you keep your calm, you keep your dignity. You know, that pause before you do something. Respond, don't react. And overall, when you're around these people, and you will be, just protect your peace. Not every conversation needs your input. It doesn't. Because if you feel like it does, you may be the know-it-all. So they're out there. They need a place. They have a place. They just haven't found found a comfort in the environment if they're still doing that. There's something going on in their lives. There's something that has happened. And they need a friend. And that's probably the best thing. Get to know them better. The closer you get to them, the more you're going to be able to impact them positively. So I've talked about these people. Are you one of these people? If you feel like you have to comment on everything, if you find yourself saying things that don't really add to the story, but it it sounds like you're trying to tell your story over that one. These are these are indicators. If it's constant complaining or a constant comment about somebody that leads, it can be positive at first and then it goes negative. You know, these are things, these are signs of wanting to matter. And everybody wants to matter. But do you know somebody like that? Chances are yes. Are you someone like that? Maybe. Sometimes the goal would be to do that less. And then having that tight circle to just talk about it. Just talk about it. I remember I'm going to go New Testament on you when Jesus asked the disciples, Who do people say that I am? Now I'm not saying be more like Jesus. I'm just, you know, sometimes it's good to do inventory. You know, we used to do several companies I've been with, we do a 360 analysis. Yes, the people that work with them, work for them, they report to. What do you think of what do you think of Dave? Well, sometimes it's good with your friends. You know, our group really seems to be getting along. Am I seeing that or are you seeing the same thing? Or how do you how do you think the group feels about me? I know that's touchy-feely, but if you think you might be a know-it-all, that might be the opportunity they've been waiting on to say, well, sometimes you are a little overbearing, and then they're probably going to put a compliment behind it. But the the behavior usually says more about a know-it-all's internal need than their external worth. And if you're somebody like this, listen carefully. You don't have to prove your value in every conversation. Sometimes wisdom is not found in the words you say. It's found in restraint and curiosity. Letting somebody else finish their story without needing to improve it. Asking them a question out of curiosity builds that story up because not only did you listen, you're interested. And people rarely remember, rarely remember who talked the most, but they always remember the ones who made them feel heard. And in the end, that kind of wisdom is far more powerful than being right all the time. Sometimes, I just said it's a it's a nice day. I don't need a meteorologist. Sometimes I just didn't know what time it is. I don't need to know how to build a clock. Sometimes I just want to hold the baby. I don't want to hear about the labor. Sometimes. So I hope this helps. I've had some people with some frustration with this, not knowing how to handle it. Strong personal, strong personalities in their family, at work, at play, that it's ruining a part of their life. So hopefully this pertains. If you know one, we'll learn to deal with it. If you are one, learn to deal with it. So hope it helped. Hit me up. Comments, questions, david at otalks.com or Dave at Otalks.com, or just go to OTalks.com. There's a bunch of stuff there. Thanks for hanging out. Thanks for hanging on. But most of all, thanks for O talking with Dave. Giddy up.