The ELECTRONIC LEASH

Have you ever looked around while in public and noticed that most people have their faces buried in their phones?  Yeah, me too...

The phone was supposed to make life easier.

Instead, many of us now carry around a glowing emotional support rectangle that follows us everywhere like an electronic ankle monitor we volunteered to wear.

Join Dave for a Wake-Up call about:

• Why We’re Addicted To Our Phones
• Ten Reasons We’re Addicted To Our Phones
• The Watch Story
• Ten Techniques To Spend Less Time On Your Phone
• What Happens When People Reduce Phone Time
• Ten Real Benefits Of Spending Less Time On Our Phones
• Five Things Negatively Impacted By Excessive Phone Use
• Five Ways To Influence Others Without Becoming Annoying

Reducing phone time isn’t about rejecting technology. It’s about reclaiming ownership of your attention. Because attention is life.

Your phone should be a tool you use...not a place you disappear into.

 Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave. Coming to you from his fortress in Sin City. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Hey, are we doing it up there? I hope you're top shelf, because I am. So I'm going to get back to productivity. That's what I do. I love to make people more productive, and especially myself. But I notice from time to time I fall into habits that are the opposite of productive. They're mindless. It's ridiculous. And most of the time, it involves my phone. Yeah, so that's what I'm going to talk about today. The electronic leash. The phone was supposed to make life easier. I go back to the days of the phone on the wall with the cord. We had two at my house growing up. We had one in the kitchen. That was the main one. Then we had one in my parents' bedroom that was, I don't know, for important calls in the middle of the night. Whatever. And then we cut when the phone rang, it was an event. It didn't ring all the time. Surely nobody calls during dinner. That would be absolutely horrible. But now the phone has evolved into an electronic leash. Think about all the things that the phone replaced. So many things. And I'm not going to list them here, but the phone now, I remember when PCs, only rich people had PCs. Then I remember when only rich people had bag phones. Remember those? Oh wow. Roaming charges. How about that? Now phones, homeless people have phones. People below the poverty level have multiple phones. Everybody's got a phone. And it's not making life easier. We carry around like a glowing emotional support rectangle that follows us everywhere, like an ankle monitor that we volunteered to wear. We wake up and check it. We check it at red lights. We check it during commercials, during conversations. Some people check their phone while watching a movie that they picked to watch, set aside the time to watch it, and they're on their phone during the movie. In movie theaters. Are you kidding me? The average person spends roughly, and I don't know what average is, four to seven hours a day on their phone. Studies regularly show people check or touch their phones somewhere between 90 and 300 times a day. Of course, that's going to depend on your age and your habits and what you're doing. But think about that. Think about that. If someone walked into your office 200 times a day yelling, hey, look at this. Somebody posted something dumb online. You'd eventually goldberg them into a ficus plant. But because it comes through on a screen, we call that normal. It's normal. And I'm not, I am as guilty as anybody. But I want to talk about some things that I am doing and some suggestions to reduce your phone time and increase productivity because you're doing something else. But first of all, I I believe we're addicted to our phones. Remember the blackberries? We quickly called them crackberries. Yeah. Because you get addicted to that checking something. Just checking it. It's not just weak willpower. Phones are engineered to keep our attention. Casinos figured this out a long time ago. Lights, anticipation, reward, repeat. That's it. That's what phone that's what casinos do to get your energy, to get things going, the atmosphere that's exciting. Phones are just like portable slot machines for your brain. So why are we addicted to our phones? Dopamine. Dopamine is real. And it's a hit of dopamine to get you excited. Every notification is like a tiny reward. It's a message. It's a comment. It could be a sell, a sports update. Your brain starts chasing maybe something happened. Maybe something's going on. Ooh, what is that? A lot of people will have certain messages from certain people play a different tone or a different, I don't know, notification jingle. Oh, that's exciting. Oh, that came from them. Ooh, what do they want? Oh no, I hate that guy. Bye-bye. Whatever. Maybe something happened. And what that feeds is your fear of missing out. We're terrified that something might happen somewhere else without us, or something may happen, and it may be a conversation, and we might not be informed. And then we have that drive of being the first to know or the first to tell. Ironically, while we're staring at our phones, we are missing out on something that's going on live and in color with the 3D people. So you've got that, the fear of missing out. And also, it's the novelty of a phone is endless because your brain loves new information. Phones provide the novelty of news, video, drama, funny memes, arguments about brisket recipes from Ohio. All of this stuff. Infinite novelty because you never know. From my goodness, from baby goats to recipes, do you name it? There's always something that could catch you, and it hooks me. It does. Also, many times a phone can be considered an escape from stress. Phones distract us from anxiety or boredom or loneliness, or maybe sometimes even uncomfortable thoughts. And silence somehow feels icky or suspicious. Phones can also add to stress. However, it is an escape. It's like a video game. Many times it is a video game. And then you've got the whole addictive side of social validation. People crave approval. They crave approval, especially insecure people. And hey, it likes re the and reaction. Anytime you get that or that reaction or that was funny, you get it's digital applause. And it's addictive. Also, it's habitual. Habits and addiction, they can be two different things, but it is habit, a habit loop you get into. Most people no longer consciously decide to check their phone. It just happens. Their hand just launches like a heat-seeking missile. I had a good friend who smoked for 20, 25 years, and he had quit smoking for about that long. I when I met him in the late 50s, hadn't smoked in 20, 25 years. Maybe early 60s. And still, after a meal, he would go to his pocket with his hand. That's where he kept his cigarettes. He hasn't smoked in 20, 25 years. But it's a habit. That's the way we are with our phones. Constantly checking where they are, bringing it out, a quick check, put back. Maybe not. Also, we mistake in in many things activity for productivity. We do. Answering messages, it feels productive. I'm catching up on my correspondence. This is important stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it's just an organized distraction. But it's addictive. It's addictive. And two, we're just we're overstimulated. Once the brain adapts to constant stimulation, normal life can feel too quiet. And this is the danger of the toddl with iPads. They're so stimulated. Yeah, I was I was eating not long ago, and it was probably a three or four-year-old showing a one or two-year-old how to do something on their iPad. They both had one. They both had one, and the parents were just sitting there talking at the table. How do you keep up with that? How do you sustain that? Because life really is too quiet. That's why kids get bored so quickly. When I was a kid, I was I was constantly saying, I'm bored. Can you imagine today what it would take to manipulate a child to where they're not bored? Whew. And then another reason they're so addictive is the algorithms. The algorithms know us better than we know ourselves. They see patterns, they see trends, they know what pisses us off, they know what excites us, they know what's going to keep us scrolling. And the phone is not guessing anymore. It knows our weaknesses. And then when you tie things like Amazon and all these shopping platforms with their own algorithms that see the patterns and will let you know, hey, it's about time to order this again. They know what you want before you know you want it. And they can make it so easy to buy. They know us better than we know ourselves. And then we don't want to sit still with ourselves. I'm I'm saying the royal we. I love to sit still with myself sometimes. But generally, the this might be the deepest reason of all. Phones help us avoid, I don't know, unwanted reflection or grief or fear, uncertainty. Definitely boredom. But boredom used to create some positivity, positive things. Creativity, thinking, imagination, peace. Now boredom creates scrolling. And I'm not talking about doom scrolling. I'm just talking about addiction to your phone. So I want to talk about some things I'm doing. I'm trying because I want to be on my phone less. Anyone around me now tell will tell you, yeah, he's doing some of these things. First thing is, hey, one of the smartest things I've done recently is I started wearing a cheap watch again. I quit wearing a watch years ago because in a meeting, out of habit, I casually looked at my watch, and I think the guy's name was Larry. I'm pretty sure his name was Larry. I can't remember his last one. We went, You got somewhere to be, old Connor? And I'm thinking, oh. But it was a habit. Just check the time. I didn't care what time it was, most of the time, but I just looked at it. So I started taking, I took my watch off and hadn't worn it in years. Now I've started wearing a watch. Not a smart watch. No, not a titanium tactical weather station with Bluetooth and blood oxygen analysis. So no, all that's cool. It's just a watch. It's just a watch. All it does is reflect the time. Dials. It's not even digital. Because every time I check the time on my phone, I get ambushed. I see a text. I see an email. I see a weather alert. Maybe a sports score. A video of a raccoon in a hat stealing cat food. I'm telling you. Not an empty box up here. And certain, suddenly, 30 minutes later, what was I doing? Yeah. The watch solved the problem because it only does one thing. And sometimes that simplicity is freedom. Plus, I check the time on my phone, I would get I get drawn into something else, and then I forgot what time it was. So it helps me. So let's talk about. I'm gonna give 10 quick techniques that I'm trying out. And I'm really pretty excited about it. First thing that watch. That's the biggest thing I've done. Because it reduces unnecessary pickups or distractions. Time, boom, it's 9.36. Got it. Second thing is turn off notifications. Now that you may keep some for emergencies or whatever, but your phone should not sound like you're walking down a hospital hallway with the beeps and the sound effects and the jingles and the uh yeah, turn off most. And be on turn off, turn, you can probably turn off more than you're going to, but turn off some. That would be a great start because you're not gonna your phone's not gonna call you for to show you information at that point. Also, keep the phone out of the bedroom. Bedrooms should feel peaceful, not like a control center. I don't I go to my now, and it's different techniques that I've learned over the years. Really, the only time I go to my bedroom is to change clothes or go to bed. I stopped going there, I start hanging out, I stopped hanging out in bed to watch TV as much because I want the bed to be associated with sleep, but it should be a peaceful place, not a place with all the electronics. This is just my personal opinion here and personal feelings and things I'm trying. The fourth thing is delete apps that waste your time. Not every app deserves residency on your home screen. And I'll go through periodically and do because I may put bring in an app for a particular situation. If I'm at a trade show, they send out apps so you can navigate it or help you with your time. At music festivals, the same thing. Maybe I'm on a particular health kick, and apps are so cool. They're so cool. But it's if it's on your home screen and it's there for a long time and you're not using it, it looks busy and it's distracting. What is that? Oh, oh yeah. I've got the I've got the apps where I can hijack the jukebox in bars. I took those off too because I spend my time in the bar looking at the next song I want to play instead of with the people I'm with. But not every app deserves a place on your home screen to distract you. Take them off. You can put them back on if you need to. No phone zones. With a family, it's different, but with I when I have people here or I'm with people or whatever. Dinner tables, I don't care where it is, in a restaurant or whatever, a meeting, no phones. If a conversation is going on, I don't answer my phone. I may glance at a text to make sure it's not one of my kids with a 911 situation, but for the most part, it's all it's silent. And then I'm telling you, I can't do I have a hard time with this. The bathroom. Don't ooh at me. I don't know how people go, number two, without a phone, man. And this is a debate. You ladies, you sit down all the time. We just sit down for that one function, and how in the world do you how do you do it without a phone? Some of my best purchases have been. Okay, that's enough. But create no phone zones. That's I think that's fantastic. It wasn't a big problem when I had my family because my kids didn't get phones, so they weren't popular until they were mid-teenagers. So as kids, there's no big deal. No phone, no tablet, no nothing at dinner. That seems to be easy. There's a lot of comedy clubs now. You turn your phone in or leave it in the car. And I love that. A lot of that's to keep you from videoing, but also you're here for the show. Watch the show. Okay? The sixth thing, use a real alarm clock. Have you got one? Remember the old clock radios? Yeah, use a real alarm clock because, think about this, because every morning begins with that accidental emotional damage from the internet. You get up, your alarm goes off, you turn that off, and boom, there's a ton of notifications, or you hit a certain screen, or how you've got, or your phone has got you set up to receive information as soon as you wake up. And two, another technique is when you get up, when you wake up, just lay there for a minute and think. Don't go back to sleep. Wait and think and reflect. Or maybe just be quiet for a minute instead of start scrolling. Plus, you may drop your phone on your nose and create something you're going to explain later. Okay, seven. Physically put the phone away. Not face down. Put it away. Face down is just it's resting until it wants to interrupt you. Put the phone away. I've turned I've got to the point to where I leave it in the other room. When I'm with people, I usually leave my phone in the other room. Or a lot of times I turn it off. The problem with turn me turning my phone off is most people who know me know that when I have less than a 50% charge, I'm considered myself on life support. So if I turn it off and it goes straight to voicemail, people think something's wrong. Dave's phone's dead. So I a lot of times I'll turn it off. However, I leave it in the other room. I don't have it in my pocket. I don't plug it in when I'm driving a lot of times. I've started listening to some radio again. Something to keep from being in connection with everything. But physically put it away. And then the part of the challenge is what do you do with this time? Okay, I've got less screen time. What do I do? There are still books still work. Walking, listening to music. I have a good relationship. I can't say your name now, or she'll start talking to me. I've started using that for music instead of my phone. Maybe cook a meal, go fishing, have a conversation with something. Somebody, hopefully, somebody. Build something. We need that tactical exercise other than a muscle-bound thumb. Another thing to help reduce is how much time are you on it? I said four to seven hours. What about you? If you scoffed at that, look it up. It's in your phone. Look at me. Telling you, put your phone down. Now look in your phone, but it's in there. Nothing humbles a person faster than realize they spent nine hours this week watching videos called 14 Things Found Inside Abandoned Storage Units. Five ways to train your baby goat. Autistic fish. See, nine hours this week? Okay. But monitor that screen time. A lot of people put that barrier on their kids. Put it on yourself. What is that? How much time are you spending on the phone? And then the last thing I'll share is practice being unreachable. I like that. Now when I teach stuff, it's okay. I check in the morning, at lunch, and at night. I've started the attempt to do that again, but also posting, I'll post in the morning or I'll post at what some point during the day. That's it. That's it. Because we don't owe the world instant access to our nervous system 24-7. Now I've got kids and I've got dear friends and special people in my life. I want them to be able to get a hold of me if they need to. So think your life, think about it. And how can you be unreachable sometimes? It's fantastic. Because just think about it. You can do something and be completely uninterrupted in that peace of mind where everybody knows I'm gone for two hours. Everybody knows I'm going to be out tonight. So many times. I've turned my alerts off, but sometimes I'll have the vibration on. That might as well be an alert. If I'm at a concert getting into the music and my leg is buzzing, I'm either having a stroke or somebody's trying to get me. Letting people know. I used to leave a voicemail every day, letting people know here's where I am today. I'm probably going to be out of pocket. Just leave me a voicemail if you need me. I still do it that way. Yeah. So there's ways. And why is it important?

unknown 21:59

Why?

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Why is it important? Because the benefits you will see very quickly. Within a week, you're gonna find and research backs this up in many studies. Reducing your screen time improves your sleep quality. It improves concentration when you're awake. It reduces anxiety levels. It definitely increases productivity. You're less moody. And your relationships have a higher degree of satisfaction. There's a ton of case studies on this. A lot of them involve students, they're students and workers, but the ones with students is so important because those younger people, they are more prone to be addicted to their phones. But there is measurable increase in focus and emotional well-being after reducing social media and notification exposure.

unknown 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

The people say the the one overwhelming comment in these studies. I just feel calmer. I don't feel the need to be entertained, and I appreciate things more. Yeah. Not entertained, not stimulated, yeah, calmer. And that's becoming more and more rare.

unknown 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

So just to look at those again, and what people have said, I'll expand on a little bit, but better sleep. The quality of sleep is better. Not necessarily that they sleep longer, they sleep sounder and are more rested. The focus during the day because you're not distracted. I get distracted easily. And distraction is a key proponent of multitasking. And you know how I feel about that. But you can focus better. I have noticed stronger relationships and better conversations because I do not. When I'm with you, I'm with you. I'm not gonna have, I'm not scrolling while I'm with you. I'll leave the phone in the other room. This is a change I've made in the last month, and it has really paid dividends and reduced my anxiety. Because after a few days, that was a scratch, not a pick. After a few days, you'll realize that everything's not urgent. It can wait till I go in there and check my phone here in a little while. It I'm 61. I have to use the bathroom regularly. So, all right, when I go in to do number one, I'll just check my phone. Yeah, everything's cool. I'll do that and go back and be with the person that I'm here to be with or the group of people I'm here to be with. So anxiety is reduced. Believe it or not, I have become a little more patient. Me. Yes, I'm not standing in lines either. I'm not standing in lines on my phone for sure, but I'm more patient because I am more aware of what's going on. Instead of what's taking so long, I notice what's taking so long. In traffic, I notice things. I notice things because I don't have my phone interrupting me constantly, which helps productivity so much. It helps when I do this, when I do the podcast, occasionally you'll hear a ding because I forget. But I turn all that off. Why? So I won't be interrupted or distracted, and I'm much more productive because I turn that off. So if it works for this, why don't I do it for other things? And I'm starting to. Another thing I've noticed: a better memory. Yeah, if I can't if I can't think of something, I don't just go to Google now. I try to remember. I try to remember. And I found that I can come up with it. Moonshine flats, there it is. Better memory. Of course, more creativity, because I don't depend on that to draw the pictures for me, or give me the buzzwords, or tell me the answers. I do that myself. And the I think the two things that it has already reaped dividends. I'm more present, I'm I'm here in the here and now, I'm listening, I'm appreciating, and that gives me more peace. At any age, that's a wonderful thing. Because rarely does peace and notifications exist in the same room. So the other side of that, five things that neck that are negatively impacted by excessive phone use is Yeah, and you can talk about the opposites. But the main thing is I'm not gonna say it it ruins or destroys relationships, it keeps them from being what they could be. Nothing says you matter. Like somebody half listening. Yeah. It says the opposite or scrolling. Or you're telling a story and they say, look at this video. Yeah, I know you like the barbecue. Yeah, that's that's nice. Nice bark on that. I was sharing my heart with you. Also, your attention span, just like the children that are get bored easy, the adults get bored easy, and your attention span is harmed. Many people struggle to sit quietly just for a few minutes, and the quiet gives clarity, and clarity overcomes chaos, but that's another one. Also, it affects your mental health. The whole comparison culture that damages your perspective. It does. You may deny it, it's true, and you'll see it in subtle ways, the comparison of what somebody else is doing. And the comparison's not always you don't measure up, it's oh, at least I'm doing better than that person. Yeah, it's not good. It affects your mental health. And then we talked about how when you get away from excessive screen time, how your sleep, the quality of sleep, and the solitude of sleep is there. The opposite is also true when you're on you're on your screens too much. They keep that brain activated. Yeah, I've heard studies don't look at your phone a couple hours before you go to bed. Now, some people just turned me off with that or rolled your eyes or something. The thing is, your brain is working through what you're looking at long after you stop looking at it, and that affects your sleep. And then what's going on now? You miss that. Too many people are documenting moments instead of living them. I do it too. I'm just trying to do it less. So what I have noticed on my path to using my phone less is other people are on their phones constantly. I was sitting and oh, I was outside the other day and I had a few minutes, so I just sat down and ah, it's a nice day and was looking around, and everybody was on their phone. They were walking and on their phone, not even looking up, but they were so used to it, people would pass each other, both be on their phone. It's normal. But everybody was on their phone but me. And so it's so aggravating at a dinner table or at a meeting or just having a cup of coffee with somebody and they can't get off their phone. I just second I need to check something. Oh, just hey, one thing, or oh, well, I have to take this, or but hey, life happens. I get it. But how do you influence others to not use their phone as much when we need to interact without being annoying or out being that person? One thing, I visibly put my phone away first. Just pick it up. Here, let me turn this off so we don't get interrupted. A lot of times that does it. And then just let them see how you are focused. They have their phone in their hand and you're just looking at them and listening to every word they say, or looking at them when you're talking to them. I'm fully present here. Demonstrate it. And then suggest activities without screens. You know what? For an hour, let's just put our phones away and talk. Or if you're gonna go for a jog, or if you, God forbid, play pickleball or whatever. Okay, look, okay, let's turn our phones off, okay? And make it a group thing. Yeah. One thing that's helped me a lot is I normalize a delayed response. A lot of times I'm right on it. And then when I would be delayed, depending on the person, oh, I was worried, you usually respond so quick, and it's been, oh, I need to normalize a delayed response. That way I don't feel the pressure to respond immediately. And I can casually, I can go about my day, check my phone when I need to, and oh, okay, boom. Set time to reply to messages or different things like that. And then I believe what I'm doing now, I may sound judgmental. I'm working on myself here, but talk about the benefits instead of just sounding like the expert. Yeah, I know a lot of you think, oh, that's all you do. You think you've got everything figured out. I do not. These O talks are to me, and I struggle with too much phone usage. That's where this is coming from. And I already feel better because nobody wants to join a digital detox cult. No. Yeah, you don't want to. You're in one to some degree, a cult of with the electronic leash. So hopefully these make sense, these tactics. I really want to hear some things you are doing or have done or what works, because reducing phone time isn't about rejecting technology. It's about reclaiming ownership of your attention. And what you focus on is going to decide your life, your mood, your optimism, or the opposite. Pay attention to life. It's fantastic. Then take time and post and scroll and do all that kind of stuff. Whatever consistently controls your attention is going to shape your mood, your thoughts, your relationships, your direction, and definitely your peace because those other things are part of your peace. And then one day you're going to realize the greatest moments in life rarely happen on my phone. No, they happen at dinner tables, they happen on porches during road trips. Oh, so much fun during road trips. We should keep a journal of the funny things that happen on road trips. Maybe it's a quiet conversation. Or just laugh without interruption. Take the time. That was funny. Don't just chuckle. Let it out, man. That is fantastic. And then, of course, the silence. So much clarity comes with silence. And the thing is, most of the great things in your life are going to happen in moments that nobody's posted about. Yep. Your phone should be a tool you use, not a place you disappear into. And I am working on it. I'm working on it. More to come on this on my path to less phone time. But let me know. David at Otalks.com or David OTalks.com, how you doing it? How you doing it? What's working for you? How have you done it in the past? I've heard some great stories on how you do it. And a lot of times cold turkey's the best way. But I have heard no one complain about their life as horrible since they reduced their phone time. All right, pretty specific topic today. Let me know what you think. Thanks for hanging out. Thanks for hanging on, but most of all, thanks for O talking with Dave. Giddy up.