LUNCH $$$ THIEVES...

Have you ever been BULLIED as an adult?  Yeah, me too...

Let’s just say it clean. We didn’t outgrow bullies...we just gave them calendars, credentials, and a way to expense lunch.

Join Dave for some PAYBACK talk about:

• Why BULLIES Still Exist
• The Hardest Bullies to Address
• 5 Ways to Address a Bully (Direct)
• 5 Ways to Address a Bully (Strategic)
• 5 Ways to Walk Away Strong
• The Truth Most People Avoid

There are still bullies everywhere. Not because they’re powerful. Because too many people have decided: “It’s just easier this way.”

Every time you tolerate what you know is wrong... you train it to stay.

Because you don’t have to control the bully...you just have to make sure they don’t control you.

Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave. Coming to you from his palatial fortress in Sin City, where what happens in Vegas is talked about everywhere. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hey, how are we doing out there? I hope you're great. I am top shelf, and I will not be bullied. I shall not. That's what we're going to talk about today. It's a problem. It is still a problem. We when we were bullied as children, those of us who were, I was not bullied as a child. And that does, I don't mean that to sound big and bad, or that I'm above that. John Boston was my friend. And he didn't allow it. I got so many stories about John when people tried to bully him. I remember second grade walking to school, some sixth graders tried to bully him. Didn't work out very well. So all I had to do was be around John. I wasn't going to be bullied. The advice we got, and I think we still hear it today: best way to face a bully is just ignore them. They're just looking for attention. Don't react. Or don't give them the satisfaction. I heard that a lot. I didn't know what satisfaction meant at first, but that's it. And to be fair, sometimes that works. The thing is, bullies run on attention. They do, they always have. Take away the audience and they have no fuel. Now I'm saying I don't think that many people bully us into stealing our lunch money. I don't think so that happens that much anymore. It may, I don't know. But here's the problem. We're not on the playground anymore. Sometimes I guess we are. But big picture, no, you can't always ignore that person who controls your schedule, or the one sitting at your dinner table, or the one steering a group that you're part of, the one at a family gathering. At some point, ignoring it is accepting it. And that's where adult bullying takes root. It really does. It's hard to get rid of it once it takes root. Because acceptance means approval. What is allowed will continue. So, yes, ignore what deserves no oxygen. Yeah, just ignore it. Take away its oxygen, oxygen or its fire. But don't confuse that with tolerating what needs to be addressed. Sometimes it has to be addressed. And that's the line that this whole talk is about. I see it constantly at home, work, and place. So we're going to talk about different aspects of adult bullying. Of course, I put lunch money thief because it's the same thing, only in different ways, and it cuts deeper when you're adults. The word bully, incidentally, you know where that came from? It didn't start as an insult. It started as a term of valor. It's a Dutch word. It means lover or friend, buddy, not a bully, a buddy. A tough guy, eventually. It went into that because you know your buddy will take up for you. John Boston was my tough guy. Yeah, he was. Still would be if we were around. But that came in to from friend to tough guy. And then someone used it to pressure at some point to position themselves or control others. And that's when it got ironic, don't you think? Because a lot of the adult bullies still think they're just being strong. I'm using my influence. Adult bullies exist because two things that never changed. Human nature. It's never gonna end, as long as there are humans, and human avoidance. So think about those things. When you combine those with the idea that you should just ignore it, you get environments where bullies will thrive. But many times, I'll say most times, they thrive quietly. There's your problem. They're out there. In human nature, you think about that. Some people, just human nature, some people push limits and test boundaries. And with that, they use the knowledge they get to seek control. It's simple, it's human, it's normal. As kids, what do you do? You find out how far you can go before that threat from a parent turns into a little bit more. That's why I can't be around some parents right now of small children. It's not the children's fault. I think I did a no-talk on that. I think I got in some trouble on that. I don't care. Glorious ambivalence. But anyway, that's what you do as a child. If you don't, if that tactic works as a child, of course it's you're gonna try it as an adult. Because if there's no resistance, their territory expands. Yeah, not because they're brilliant, but because it works and it's ingrained. It works. Unchecked bullies, ah, we're still testing boundaries. But let's talk about human avoidance when it comes to bullying. Bullies survive because people don't want conflict. Most people had rather take the zero than have conflict. And we can talk a lot about that. It's true, I see it all the time. I'm working on an updated conflict management to talk that takes it from a different angle because I talk about it all the time. People are so conflict averse, they are settling. And people settle when dealing with a bully. And a bully, too, they will justify their behavior many times very convincingly. We'll talk to some task tactics that they use. Also, people just it's not only is it averse to conflict, they'd rather have comfort than everybody have clarity. It's more, oh, don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat. Oh I've heard many people, a lot of husbands say to their children about their wife, good God, man, don't anger it. My dad would say, hey, right or wrong, you do what you need to do, but don't upset your mother. Not that mom was a bully, but sometimes we choose comfort over clarity. And then I think one of the biggest reasons above all these, people fear the fallout. Oh, what if I stand up to them and it doesn't go well? What if I ask for help and then I find I'm all alone? Ooh. All of these reasons. The bully feels now there's no one here that's gonna stop me. And they feel so powerful. Does any of this sound familiar? Home, work, play, in your house, in your carpool on the way to work, and you're golf foresome. And the numbers don't lie. One in three employees report workplace bullying. Now, get this. They report it in a survey, they don't necessarily report it to HR, because the bullying continues. Because 70%, real close to that stat, 70% never report it. Never report it. See why the bullies are so strong? And in families, dominant personalities, they'll go unchallenged for years. I'm gonna wait. I may share some personal stuff on this in a minute. I know it. And the thing is, they do it so quietly, they just want to get their way. And it goes unchallenged for years, or unchallenged by proximity for years. I may talk more about that. Social groups, they tolerate behavior to avoid disruption. Yeah, let's not make waves here. Come on, we're having a good time. It's not that bad. We'll take them aside or maybe lower the people, the number of people associated with them instead of dealing with the behavior. But the numbers don't lie. It's not rare. Bullies are everywhere, and they feel stronger when normalized. And then if they're not addressed, it's just normal. It's okay. It's just the way it is. Oh, so many families fall prey to that. It's just the way they are. Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about it because the subtlety of some bullying, sometimes you don't even see it as bullying. Let's talk about, let's talk about work. So let's see some of the bullies at work. You've got your the credit thief. They'll take all the credit. They'll work, they'll lobby, they will undermine. You've got a credit thief at work, I guarantee. I'm not talking about credit as in finance. I'm talking about getting the praise. They'll take it, man. They will take it in public and deal with any fallout in private, but there's probably not going to be any. And then you got those people, I'll just call them the critic. In public, they're the critic. They may, everything may be fine. And then once it gets public and they've got an audience, they pick it apart. They may even been a part of the team that came up with it, but they're always negative. They're the critic. They'll pick your the your job apart just to keep the focus off of theirs. I think a micromanager, depending on the techniques you used, could be absolutely a bully. They have the authority. So what are they doing? What are they having you do? What detail are they having you go into? That's worth talking about. That's a management style as well. The ones I don't like too, though. The ones I don't like too, though, that is fantastic English. Oh, Miss Graves is not listening. The ones I don't like too, though. What an idiot. The ones I don't like, especially. The intimidators. Now that feels more like a bully. That feels more like a bully. Yeah, I can think of them, I can think from walking to Blake school to when we junior high to high school, all through all through my corporate career. You've got those intimidators. I don't like it a lot at all. And then you've got those gatekeepers that will bully. They have a little bit of power. And they may grant you access, they may not. That kid that would raise his hand to take names. Oh no, he's got power. Yeah, you can't sniff wrong. Your name's going on there. All the way to corporate, you've got those that can let you in to see a person or not. A receptionist has the most power at any corporation when first approached. So that's at work. Let's talk about home. My parents, I've seen parents be bullies. I don't sometimes parents aren't bullies enough, but that dominant parent, the parent bully that is probably most prevalent in regards to this O talk would be one over the other. That wife who's always dominating the man, or he's just a little, just a raw, exposed nerve in the corner sucking his finger. Or the other way, the man that's so dominant over the wife, she's teaching her daughters that it's okay to this is okay. Yeah, it's tough. The spoiled sibling, hello? Anybody got one? Anybody know one? Maybe it's somebody else's sibling. There's always at least one. And if you're an only child, guess what? You're it. Tag, you're it. Although you're not playing tag because you don't mean brothers and sisters. Sorry, I'm just free-balling here. Sorry. But that soil, a soiled sibling, that can be rough. Then you've got the just the controlling, the controlling parent that has a friend. It could be the man's, the dad's friend or the woman's friend that influences them. And now they're the bully on the relationship. That happens a lot. A lot of times just the loudest voice wins personality. I'll just be louder. I'll shout everybody down. I'll take control and just see who has the guts to challenge me. I'll act like I know what I'm doing, and everybody will fall in. If they don't and it goes wrong, I can be that public critic. Ha, you should have followed me. And then they will dig in on it. Oh, and then you got every family has one of these. The historian with that weaponized memory system there. You know, nobody else remembers, but they remember exactly. They remember it was on it's three in the afternoon on March 14th in 2004. I was wearing a blue sundress and you had on a polka dotted blazer, and you said boom, and you should have seen there, and everybody hated you because of it. And blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. That person sound familiar. Yeah. How about at play? This is a me time, man. Don't bull bully me on my me time. But you've got those, you got those that have to be the leader, that alpha decision maker. Yeah, that that gets annoying after time. But they're there. You got the you've got the guy too who will be sarcastic and cutting and mock you. But they that's they're just the joker. I was kidding. I wasn't serious once you face them, otherwise, they just go on a tear. They can say anything they want. And then when you confront them, I was just kidding. Why are you so sensitive? Can't you take a joke? Please. That's oh, that's in family too. A lot of those in family. Oh, these are interchangeable. Also in play, and by play, I'm talking about me time. I think of, I think about things like groups, different things. It could be golf, it could be knitting, it could be I don't know, a wine tasting or whatever. You've got those people that will, I'm in control of who gets to go. So they're the excluder. We've we've got room for six, but I'm gonna say there's room for five because I really don't want them to go. The excluder, that's that power. It's bullying. And something is simple, and I see this a lot. The one upper. I talked about this in a way to give away your power. The one upper. Oh, that's nothing. Boom, boom. Or somebody tells a story and they have to come in and tell their story. Or everything, everything in their life is either better than yours or worse than yours. They have to be one of the two, and they have to have the best or the worst. And usually when the worst is, it comes to suffering and something, you survive. Yeah. These sound familiar at all. And then they call them the energy magnet or the energy vampire. They want to suck all of the energy to them. And if they can't get all the energy, they'll bring the group down. They will morph into Debbie Downer quicker than you can say Ticonderoga. Yeah. So that's just some of the bullies. And see, some of those didn't still seem so bad until it's happening to you. Some of the hardest bullies to address, though, aren't the loud ones. Yeah. They're the ones that are embedded at homework or play. Whether it's at work and they have tenure or at home and they're one of the older ones. One of the that's Popo's uncle's dad. I don't know how that would really be related. They've been around a long time. Or the ones that just always get their way. I've always done this. I've always brought potato salad to Easter. How dare you do that? What do you put in your potato salad, by the way? I don't eat potato salad away from home because I don't know what's in it, and I used to not eat it at home because I knew what was in it. That's enough about potato salad. So the other ones that are hard to deal with are Yeah, the ones who are protected. Meaning people make excuses for them or their behavior. And there's all kinds of excuses for that. We've just always done it that way. Oh, that's just David. That's just the way he is. He didn't mean anything by it. Or the ones who create so much drama that people will just give in to avoid it. This is the walk-on eggshells crowd. Oh, please. Don't mention this. Whatever you don't say that. So you've got those people, and see, that's a quiet bully. You may meet them and they're wonderful. And then someone says one thing and dynamite. Then you got the people just with the strong influence, and they'll use that influence. If everything's going their way, they won't. And they seem like perfectly wonderful people. They got their act together. And then when one thing goes wrong, or when they need to control something, oh, they'll use it. They'll strong arm you. Yeah. And then those tied to your family through history, whether they're really family or they're a part of the family, you just don't confront them because you don't want to be the disruption. Because if you do that, you're the problem. That's why people allow it. Yeah. I tell you, there's there's three. Eh, I think there's three here. I may come up with more as I go. There's three that really get under my skin. The obvious ones I can address no problem. But the three that got under my skin, they've got their masters, maybe their doctorate in bullying. And one is the victim bully. They'll control you with guilt to get their way. Yeah. I guess I'm the bad guy again. I guess it's all my fault again. Or after everything I've been through. After all I've done for this family, after all I've done for this team or this corporation, they see they don't overpower you. No, not at all. They pull you in emotionally and then flip the script on you. The thing is, they don't need all of you. They just need a few. They just need a couple of allies. And then that builds. And before long, their side of the story is all that's coming out. And these people, they seem meek. Oh, watch them, they're snakes. The victim bully. And the other this one I call the shrinking violet bully. They're quiet. They're passive. They may carry a fan. I don't know. Until they don't get their way. And their tactics are silence or withdrawal. They'll ghost you. They won't they won't pour on some big op opposition, but they just won't cooperate. They don't attack you at all. They make everything harder until you just give in. And then the last one I'll talk about specifically, and this one really gets me. Is the overly altruistic bully. Now see, all of these have similar, all these three have similar characteristics. That over altruistic bully, they look generous. Oh, they do. And they have a lot of people fooled. They really do. Because they're they're very emotionally giving. And they care about the family. They care about the company. They care about this social group. And they'll do that after all I've done. They'll do that a lot. But mainly they'll say, I just want what's best for this. You know what? I'll just hand I'll I'll handle it. I'll go out with personal sacrifice and I'll handle it like I've always done. I'll take this on my shoulders and bear the burden for the good of just want a vomit. They give. They'll give. And they can probably point to things they've done, but boy, do they ever collect. That makes me nauseous. And I have a hard time dealing with that. I don't have a hard time dealing with that. I call it and I don't put up with it, which might not be the best way to handle it, which we'll talk about. But the thing is, that altruistic bully, they control through obligation and guilt because they care more than you do. Yeah, what do they care about? So I'm gonna before I get too crazy on this, I'm gonna move forward. So it doesn't matter the kind, their target, whatever. What are some characteristics of a bully to help you spot that? They look for control, not resolution. That's it. They want control of a situation. The consequences they don't care about right now. And so they will use pressure instead of persuasion. They want it right now. This is my way, and I want my way right now. I want your lunch money. Yeah. I want you to feel bad. I want somebody to not like you. I want you to like me and not like them. That's it. Also, they will push you until resisted. My buddy John Boston learned well from his dad. He taught John, don't be pushed around. You get a bully, you punch him in the face, and if you can't reach his face, you go get the biggest rock you can. Now, I know this sounds tough. However, I agree with it, maybe metaphorically anyway. However, nobody messed with John more than once. Nobody messed with me at all because I was right next to John, maybe behind him sometimes. But bullies will push into a resistant. By the way, it may be foreshadowing. Most bullies fall, that they fold like a bad lawn chair when they meet resistance, by the way. But a bully will ignore or minimize impact. Both their negative impact to something or any negative impact to them. They'll ignore it or say, eh, what much? Oh, it's no big deal. Yeah, we can fix that. Yeah, that didn't even hurt. Also, the main tactic of a bully, they win by wearing people down. From a CEO to uh the lowest position, there are bullies. And they both win. Some by mandate, well, that wears you down too. Others just like just a slow drip, they'll wear you down. But that's what bullies do. But when you confront them, when you do address their behavior alone or in a group, what do you get? What can you expect? And write this down. You can expect this. So don't be surprised. Because it takes guts to face a bully. You can expect denial. I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do that. That's not like me. After all I've done for this company. Deflection. That wasn't me. That was Joe. Joe does this all the time. Have you not seen it before? I'm always cleaning up after Joe. A counterattack? Oh, you're coming to me. How dare you talk to me that way with all you've done? I've got so much on you. You have no idea who you're dealing with.

unknown 25:25

Bully, bully, bully.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Or the victim flip. Me? You're saying I did this? You're saying I am acting inappropriate? Oh my goodness. I'm the one being bullied myself. You don't have no idea what all I have to deal with. Turn it, they turn themselves into a victim. Or just escalation. That's the drama that people want to avoid. Oh, they lose their ever-loving mind. They do. You know the types. Oh, the drama.

unknown 26:00

Whoo!

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Give me a break. But that's it. Denial, deflection, counterattack, victim flips, or escalation. And the thing is, they may not even be surprised, but you don't need to be surprised when addressing a bully. I don't think they're surprised at all. They're just testing you. That drama thing is to see how you cow or you run away. Yeah. They're testing you. They're smart. Bullies are usually they're not sophisticated, but they got some savvy to them. So let's talk about it. First thing we said is just ignore it. Yeah? What happens if that's all you do is ignore it. I think bullies are like plumbing. If you ignore it, the damage is going to spread. You got a leak, and you just ignore it, it's not going to heal. Damage is going to spread. The structure's going to weaken. And everything around it's going to be affected. Same way when you don't address a bully. The damage is going to spread. The resistance against that, it's going to weaken. And then everything around them will be affected in some way. Many ways. So ignoring works like with minor behavior, but it totally, if someone's bullying you right now and they don't have a history of it, a lot of times you can just nip it in the bud. However, it's a pattern of behavior. It's a little tougher. Usually fails when it's a pattern of behavior. Yeah. Because confidence erodes, resentment builds, and people just disengage if you don't address it because they're labeled as bullies. Their world shrinks. So a lot of times when you address it, you're doing it for the bully as much as those that are being bullied. Because once you address it, the clarity rises to everybody, even the bully, if they don't even act like it. Respect in some ways resets, maybe not with the bully, maybe with the bully, but everybody else or a portion of everybody else. And see, now you're preventing the extent to which damage occurs, like with plumbing. And then the thing is, once you address a bully, others find some courage. This is just like in the playground at school, at Blake Elementary School. It's the same with whoever's bullying you or one of your friends or one of your family. It's not right. So there's a couple of ways. I want to talk about a couple of ways to address a bully. First is just be direct. The other is more strategic. But I like the direct way. The strategic is fun too, but it depends on how much damage is caused here. What's happening? This is urgent or it's vital right now. Five alarm hair on fire. But the five ways I think to address a bully directly, call it out in the moment at that time. What did you say? What are you trying to do? To me or somebody else. Call them out. What are you doing? Use simple, clear language. That's not right. To a child who's bullying, or to an adult. There are ways. Call it out. Now hold on a minute. I don't like what's happening here. What I see is, and call it out. Set boundaries, especially for yourself. It's a one-on-one thing. What you will allow and what you will not. This is me. This is the other things we've been talking about with setting boundaries. Uh-uh. None shall pass. That is unacceptable with me. And if it, I'm not going to allow it to happen. If you try to make it happen again, here's going to be my response. So there's boundaries and a consequence. And you can be all masculine and say, hey, I'm going to knock the crap out of you. Or your world's going to get smaller. You're not going to be in mine. And that might be okay too, but stick to it. But the main thing is, and I may have some trouble with this at times, you got to stay calm. Don't get emotional because they may be an emotional escalator. They may be. But stay calm. And then if you need to get escalated, do it. If needed. But chances are by that time you're going to have they're probably going to back up immediately. Depending on how tactical and strategic they are. But no drama, just absolute certainty. Oh no. Oh, that's not going to happen. I remember one time it was early on, and it was a new salesperson, and they went into an account, and that account, we were had some sales tactics and came in, and they wanted to they wanted to make this person commit to more activity and a lower price. And she handled the price objective very well. And then we wanted her to come in twice a week. Oh, I oh, I we don't do that. Boom. And of course, she followed it up. You'll see that we don't have to come in twice a week because our service level is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's oh, we don't do that. Absolutely. That was beautiful. Because this guy was going to be a bully as a purchasing person. But no drama, just certainty. Here's where we are. That's what you're doing right now. Hey, very simple, clear language, that's not acceptable. You set boundaries and consequences, you stay calm, and then if you need to be more aggressive, you can't. If you need to call in backup, you can't. All these are don't allow drama in it because drama will cloud the bullying. All of a sudden now you've done something wrong. So let's, okay, so that's the direct way. And it's not that bad. I didn't use any expletives. I didn't get him in the figure four leg lock. Nothing like that. But let's talk about a more strategic way. And I love this when you deal with it's really good in dealing with those three I said before: the altruistic, the victim, or the other one I talked about, because they're strategic. It's intentional. This is a pattern. They've dealt with this before, and they're going to come up with some flowery way to make it you look like the bad person. So one way to do this is just ask questions that expose the behavior. I love to say, were you were you trying to be funny or mean? I'm just trying to understand. And at that point, they're probably going to say, Oh, you can't take a joke. You're too sensitive or whatever. But just ask that question. They may have a good answer. Oh, I didn't mean it either way. And maybe you misunderstood. It's a great question. And then you just stick to facts, not feelings. If they're bullying you, accusing you of something, just state the facts. The main thing is be as quiet as possible when you ask a question or after you state the facts. Let them respond because they're going to let you know where you stand or where they stand. But the overall thing, the number one thing for this person, you're thinking of somebody right now, I hope. Your actions are going to build a quiet support, even if they don't show it. People know you're right if you call somebody out. And there's quiet support because they're scared of the bully still. The main thing, though, is you got to take care of yourself and limit access to you of that person and their behavior. You're not here to make friends. You're here to keep from being bullied. You're not here to change their behavior overall. You're here to keep from being bullied. That's the whole thing. You can't save the world, but you can save yourself. And in doing that, you'll save others. But do it to save yourself. So don't give them access to you anymore. And then if you need to have a relationship with this person, reinforce better behavior when they do that. You don't have to bring up the past, you don't have to do anything, but reinforce the better behavior. Dealing with a bully is a lot like training a dog. It is. Bad behavior does not get rewarded. Good behavior does. And then I can go back to the dog whisperer. When a dog is acting up, Caesar would just, he would call it, but then wouldn't, he would just give them any attention. And it drove them crazy. Same way with a bully. This can be used a lot of different ways. But see, the thing is, all of this, it's controlled, not reactive. And that's the problem in dealing with bullies. If your response is giving in, all right, you're going to continue to get that. If you are reactive, they can flip it on you. They can flip it on you and make you look like the bad guy. But if you respond under control, oh, they've got a problem. Because their behavior that's unwarranted, unwanted, and out of bounds is magnified to everybody.

unknown 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

So I talk about a lot of different scenarios, and I've seen a lot of it, and it's funny because it's so subtle sometimes. But I think home is the toughest arena. And by home, family. Family. Family and in-laws and all the family dynamic. Because now you're dealing with history and emotion and sometimes roles that are deeply ingrained. Not yeast rolls. I'm for those. Oh, they're delicious. But these roles people take on, and sometimes they appoint themselves to this role, and no one objected, so now it's okay, it's ingrained. It's tough because you're dealing with those things. And also you've got that one person who always gets their way. And then though, when they are challenged, which is rare, they will create chaos. And everybody just wants it to go away. And so they get their way. They will pull others to their side of thinking. They'll lobby. They'd be great in Congress. Oh, yeah. That's what they do. But they blow it up. And anybody that addresses them or dares contradict, they do that whole altruistic mentality. And oh, I'm just trying to do what's best. And they make that person look like the bad person when everybody knows they're not. Everybody knows they're not. I don't mind being the bad guy when I'm right. But that person will try to manipulate. So everybody makes a deal. Let's just not set them off, man. Don't anger it. Oh, what are you kidding? Stop that. But you know what that costs the group? The truth. It costs respect. Real peace. It costs that because you know it. Many times you'll have uh you'll have someone that will throw such a fit. You have older people in the family who are toward the end of their life, succumb to whatever this person wants. Just uh, let's just come on. Let's don't want to set them off. I just want to make peace. You're not making peace, you're making a monster. You're making a monster. And the truth gets lost in that. And the meeker family members are the ones getting hurt. It's tough. You gotta address it. If you don't, all right. You'll be privy to it, or you won't be in the family. Tough. But the thing is, what you have to decide is before you address it, you gotta think for it a little bit. If I address this, what's the fallout gonna be? And then afterwards you'll ask yourself, was it really worth it? Let me tell you, if you do it the right way, yes, it's worth it. It is. And then you handle the fallout. You did it. You were convicted to do it, so in some way you addressed it. They may have blown it up, they may have pushed it under the rug. You did what you had to do. Now you can walk on, distance yourself for them, do all of that more subtle, strategic, those steps I said. But there's five ways to walk away strong. And this is important. Because it's you're gonna have buyer's remorse. If you send an email, it's clicker's remorse. If you send a handwritten thing, it's writer's remorse. If you left a voicemail, it's voicemail. You get the pattern here. But five ways to walk away strong. Don't replay it over and over in your mind. If you sent something, don't read it over and over. You send it, it's done. If you said something, don't replay this dialogue over and over in your mind. It's ruminating and it will haunt you. And you're gonna say, I wish I'd said. Oh, if I'd only said this. No. Know what you're gonna say, say it, and deal with it. And then understand. Everybody's not gonna agree. No. Some people are gonna think you're crazy. Yeah, somewhat. And don't try to divide that up, but don't expect everyone to agree. And then let the outcomes play out. Let it play out. Their initial response may be great and then turn. Their initial response may be horrible and upsetting. And then calm down. And calmer minds will prevail. Let the outcomes play out. And then going forward, those that reach out one by one, those you reconnect with one by one, invest in them. Not the bully. Those that want to be on the bully side, okay, they're picking their poison. But invest in people who respect you. And hold your boundaries. Don't revisit it. Don't negotiate. Set those boundaries and stick to them because those boundaries are your freedom. Those boundaries are a result of the control you've taken of your life. And resolve comes in when you don't give up the control so that you maintain the freedom. You're not controlling them either. You're defining you and what you will allow. And that's power. I love it. And the truth that most people avoid is that bullies don't stop because they understand. They don't. That's the way they're wired. They've been probably been doing it all their whole life. They stop when resistance shows up, consequences follow, or the environment changes. It may take all three, but that's it. That's where Mr. Boston was right. Punch them in the face. Resistance shows up. Or you made a case and you walked away, and everybody, you know what? He was, dude, what are you doing? We're not putting up with this either. And that changes the environment to where that behavior is not allowed by anybody at home, work, or play. And that's good. And it just takes maybe just a ripple. So ignoring a bully, that's the advice I always got. My parents were very don't get into trouble. Ignoring that bully may be smart. Tolerating one is very expensive. There's a difference. Every time you ignore what should be addressed, you just make it stronger. You say that's okay. Every time you address what matters, you make yourself stronger. You don't have to fight every battle. Took me a while to learn that. But you do have to decide where does it stop with me? Where does it stop with me? Draw that line. Make it clear where that line is and stand behind it. Because the goal isn't to win against the bully. That's not the goal. The goal is to make sure that they never win against you. Quietly or otherwise. That's it. It's all about you and the people that love you. You and your circle. Bullies. Step outside the circle. I hope this helps. It's happening a lot, people. I'm seeing it everywhere. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Uh uh. So hit me up with what you think, how you've addressed this in the past, or where you may think I'm off. Hit me David at Otalks.com or David OTalks.com or just go to Otalks.com. You can get a hold of me there. No problema. Let me know. I want to hear it. But right now, I want to thank you. Thanks for hanging out. Thanks for hanging on. But most of all, thanks for O talking with Dave. Giddy up.