...but SERIOUSLY...

Have you ever had something to share, but were not taken SERIOUSLY when you shared it?  Yeah, me too...

There is a strange and unfortunate thing that happens in life. Some people have something valuable to say, but nobody is listening.

Not because the idea is bad. Not because the person is unintelligent. But because somewhere along the way they got labeled: “Not serious.”

Join Dave for some SERIOUS talk about:

• 10 Reasons People Aren’t Taken Seriously
• How This Pattern Develops Over Time
• 5 Personalities That Shut People Down
• Sometimes it isn’t the quiet person’s fault.
• Sometimes the room is the problem.
• 5 personalities that silence people fast
• 5 Tragedies of Putting People in the “Not Serious” Box
• 5 Signs Someone Isn’t Being Heard
• 5 Glorious Things That Happen When Everyone Has a Voice

If you’re someone who hasn’t been taken seriously, don’t silence yourself.

Your voice may be quieter. Your style may be different. Your delivery may not dominate the room. But that doesn’t mean your ideas don’t matter.

And for the rest of us in the room...Listen. Really listen.

Because sometimes the best idea in the room
 is sitting quietly at the table...waiting for someone to care enough to ask,

“What do you think?”

Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave. Coming to you from his palatial fortress in Sin City. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Hey! How are we doing up there? I hope you're top shelf like me. Oh, loving it. Living it. Let's go. Okay, so there's some uh there's some little bit of a chatter, and I can identify with it. I really can. And it's around people saying that they don't feel like they're being taken seriously. There's a lot, a lot to unpack there. You know, whether at home, work, or play, of course, but also in in particular situations on particular topics. That's a strange and unfortunate thing that I think can happen in life just about any time, young or old. Sometimes you're taken too seriously. Sometimes you mean something flippant, and boom, somebody tells you. However, this is time and place when you really have something to say. Something valuable. But nobody's listening. You ever been there? Yeah. Do you have any friends? And we go through this, a lot of people pop in my mind. You can't interrupt me right now, I can say anything I want. But you don't have to take me seriously. And that's we're going to get into that. You know, when people just aren't listening or aren't taking you seriously, it's not because it's a bad idea or because maybe the person is unintelligent. No, not at all. Sometimes it's along the way you get labeled, maybe across the border in certain situations, they're just not a serious person. They're not credible on the topic, whatever that is. But whenever that label sticks, it's hard to shake. I am living proof in some circles of how that is hard to shake. And so, you know, this is a little personal to me as well, because I tell stories. I tell stories. I laugh a lot. I talk about laughing. I laugh when I think about laughing. I just love humor. And I like the room to feel light and alive and open and engaged. But there are moments when that same energy causes people to think, ah, yeah, he's the funny guy. He's not a serious guy. Oh, meanwhile, I'm thinking, actually, I have been I've been paying attention the whole time. I know what's going on. I have some input. You may not know me. I got something to say. But in just my personal side of things, sometimes you can't hear the message through the laughter. And you know whose fault that is? This guy. I get it. I get it. You know, I I struggle with it some. I had rather be, I don't know, light and airy with a message that will eventually resonate than being cold and harsh and serious and taken too seriously to the point of someone considering me arrogant or an expert or something like that. That that's that's not that's not it at all. However, it's not a rare occasion when the message gets lost in maybe my presentation. I've had people go as far to say, I kid so much, they question my sincerity. Now I'm I'm taking a little offense to that. And that bothers me. However, it's my fault. I have to I have to set the standard, I have to set the scene. But there's there's been a lot of research uh just in in schools of business, but that shows up to 40% of people in meetings contribute far less than what they are capable of. Not because they don't have ideas, but because the group environment discourages them from speaking or taking them seriously. That is a loss, people. And it's twofold. It's their fault for not speaking up, but it's an other variables that make them not comfortable speaking up. It's still a loss. It's a loss for them. It's a loss for the room, it's a loss for the outcome. Because when a voice gets dismissed or not included, good ideas get dismissed with it. One way that I frame this, and those who've worked with me, especially in building out the West Coast for different sales teams, I encouraged input. Um I was that guy. And I was told, you know, I remember so many times it would be someone would, I feel like somebody's gonna say it. And when they would say it, okay, all right, they covered it. Well, it didn't come from you. And you might have said it a little differently. You might have brought a nuance. And I was told over and over, you'll find your voice, and I did. I did. However, one thing that I've said when I was on the West Coast, speak up. Speak up. Your input might be the one part of that formula that's gonna give us the right answer. And without that, we may still succeed, but it won't be as right as it could. And you speaking up and being confirmed as valuable, it's gonna give you more confidence. It's gonna make the group better. And see, that outcome will be better. It may not be the best idea, it may be a good idea, it may not be original. Let's talk because you'll be more comfortable doing that. And so many times you get that label and it's hard to get away, but there's other reasons why people aren't taken seriously. I've jotted down a few of them, but they're patterns and they show up just about everywhere. And remember, it's homework and play. So I'll go through each one of these. The first one is you don't take them seriously because they joke around too much. You know, humor is so powerful, but some people assume humor means it's a lack of depth, a lack of serious thought on a topic. This is the one that's gotten me. You know, when I do um on my exit surveys, I always ask, how is the humor? And it's always just right. Goldilocks, just right. Or too much or not enough. I don't usually get the not enoughs. I do get some too much because it's distracting. That's where the books came from. Someone said, hey, I was, you know, taking notes and we started having a good time and laughing, and I quit. Do you have any of the stuff written down? So it was eventually it was in a good spot. But who is that person? You know, I think of Chandler on uh Friends. He was the funny guy. He was the funny guy. And sometimes he didn't. He wasn't taken seriously. So think, is this does this one touch you, or do you know someone that may be a friend of yours, but it's not taken seriously, and but you know the other side of that? An intelligent person with a sense of humor is fantastic as long as they are allowed to show their intelligence. So they joke around too much. There's a label. Also, maybe they're just shy. Maybe they're just an introvert. This is very common. I think this goes back to the Harvard surveys about 40% participate less than they could. Quiet people, they're mistaken for people who have nothing to say. Whew! As a former shy person, that's not true. They don't feel comfortable saying it. And why is that? Is it them or is it the environment? It's something to think about. But sometimes they're just introverts. Yeah, I get it. Then sometimes they defer to the stronger personalities. It will be covered. Yeah. I'll step back and let the people who are comfortable with this go for it. And then what happens with that is you're just assumed to be a background player. Now, in corporate America, you have those people who uh they love hearing themselves talk, or they're looking for that sound bite that came out of the meeting. That's please, I take them less seriously than the person with the good ideas that don't speak up. The thing is we have to work through that and get to the point to where you do. But some of those introverts, they'll just defer to the stronger personalities. One way that I see this as a problem is I've got some dear friends that would come to the garage. Oh, and I know they're funny, but in a bigger group, they don't, they're they're a little shyer. But part of it is they're easily interrupted. They may talk a little softer, they may talk a little slower, so they just defer to the to the loudmouths, or the we'll just call it stronger personalities. That's why I put that in there. But that that might be part of it too. Yeah. And then another one would be they're conditioned early not to speak up. Maybe it's in the family dynamic, you know, strong siblings or parents, or maybe it's at school. They they tried one time or they're scared to try because maybe they saw someone else debunked when they spoke up. And then there's a lot of environments that reward silence. You know, it's I I've heard it said many times, but I had it said to me from a boss, look, we know you're stupid, but the people out there in production, they don't. So just be quiet and let them think you're competent. What do they say? It's better to be uh to be silent and thought an idiot than to speak up and remove all doubt. I think that's what that guy was saying. What a piece of crap. But anyway, you some people are just conditioned. We'll sit back. I'll pick my I'll pick my spots. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times they're not taken seriously. Um the bullied or overpowered, you know, they learned it's just safer to be quiet. I'll wait to a one-on-one situation, or I'll speak to someone after. I'll, I'll, I'll tell someone else my idea and have them bring it up. Maybe it's because they, you know, the bullied part would be if you come up with an idea and somebody acts like that's stupid. Or you tell a joke and somebody doesn't laugh or makes fun of you. That's bullying. Yeah, try not to do that, please. Um, I have done this and I know people that have, and they're very misunderstood in that they ramble or struggle to get it out. Come on, come on, land the plane. Here we go. You know, good ideas get lost sometimes with a messy delivery. There's so many situations where I've seen the the person who maybe the total skill set um is there for the person that got promoted, but the person who didn't, or get a job, or get an attaboy, is because they weren't able to put their thoughts together in an organized manner. So that's why they're not taken seriously. Maybe it's just confidence. Their voice, they don't speak up. They'll say it, but they they present their idea like a question. You know, maybe we could do this. What do you guys think about this? And it gets treated like a suggestion because the person saying it doesn't even have confidence. You know, they they want to they know this great place to go. Where do y'all want to go? Oh, well, we could go here, or we could go here. Yeah, or I heard this place might be good. Well, psh, come on, man. We're gonna go to the strongest-willed person with that. So they lack confidence with their voice. Also, they've been wrong publicly before. One bad moment can unfairly hit somebody's credibility. Oh my goodness. Have you ever suggested going to a place to eat and everybody got food poisoning? Hello, Govna. Yeah, that's uh, I don't think we're gonna follow Dave's suggestion anymore. We all it was coming out of both ends for a week. We all lost a lot of weight, but we missed work. So, yeah, you've been wrong publicly before. And they maybe they've got a reputation of being wrong. Yeah. Maybe they've got a reputation of, you know, those those people that are in teams, maybe they contribute too much or not enough, or they made they made things over budget and over time. I don't know, maybe they got that reputation. They still have something to offer. But they become that. They've been labeled that. And then I think one of the biggest things, and it's tough when you're in it, when you're the shy person or the introvert, but you they don't advocate for themselves. It's hard to advocate when you're shy or you've been wrong, or you have all these things going on with your head. But if you never claim it, you never get that voice, hey, others are gonna fill your silence with something. I don't want to skip to the how-to's, but those are some reasons why you get you know pigeonholed into not being taken seriously. But the truth is, most of these patterns that I just went down, ten different ones, excuses for not being taken seriously, they start long before adulthood. They start as a kid or as a younger sibling, as a neighborhood situation, long before adulthood. Yeah. A lot of people just, they don't just suddenly become the person nobody listens to. They grow into it, they develop it over time. You know, in childhood, the loud kids get the attention. The quiet ones, they learn to observe. They may be quiet, but that doesn't mean they're they don't know what's going on, or they're not smart, or they're not the smartest around. I think back. Yeah. And then in school, the confidence students they answer the questions. They got their hand up, they're blurting it out, they're volunteering, whereas others stay quiet. And I was a quiet one in school early on. Um, but the quiet ones are looking and they're listening. And someday. And then early work life. I think back in some of my first jobs, you know, you got one or two strong personalities dominate the room. Now, in this, I'm not talking about a hierarchy, because you got the bosses and you got the team, and you got, and then you got the new people, and you got the you got all of that. I'm talking about I've got a I've got an O talk coming out about energy. Well, those strong personalities, they're gonna dominate the room. And sometimes you can attach yourself to that person and maybe bump your ideas off of them. It doesn't have to be in the big room, and they can usher you into a better situation. I've seen that, I've done that, and it's very good. Did you get to the middle part of your career, and people they you really settle into your role. You settle into a certain satisfaction. You know, some lead the conversation, others they sit around the table and wait and they're bobbleheads. And it's okay. I I still I've always said some of the best um leaders I have seen have held their tongue till toward the end and then summarized. They've heard all the ideas, and theirs may be different or better or aligned, but they don't talk the whole time. They just bring it together toward the end. And then after years, just repetition, something dangerous happens. People start believing. My opinion probably doesn't matter. If you haven't sought to be heard, that's what happens over time. And that that is a tragedy. Thankfully, the people that I've seen that way, a lot of times I've got to know in a different role. And maybe they didn't, maybe they they're right where they want to be. But the whole group suffers when all the input is not received. In many rooms, a person who hasn't spoken yet has the one, has got the solution, it's got the variable that plugs that in and makes the group better. I've seen it so many times. And by the group, I'm not just talking about at work, I'm talking about church. I'm talking about teams as a kid and you know, sports, just fun. Getting out of trouble, thinking their way out of trouble. Don't be quiet, man. Help me. We drove the bulldozer down to Woodward Avenue. We gotta find a way out. Don't be quiet now, please. So there are, though, some personalities that shut people down. They just shut people down. And they're as we go through them, I'll probably embellish on that a little bit. But sometimes it isn't the quiet person's fault. Sometimes the room is the problem, the group. And here's five personalities that shut people down so that they can't be heard and taken seriously. And this guy or gal, the interrupter, they cut people off mid-idea. It didn't happen. It was not long ago where I got interrupted while doing a presentation, and you know, I I present all the time. And it was like, I don't know, a quarter of the way in, and I said, okay, if you'll let me finish, you're gonna see what this means. And you know, sometimes I take a while to develop it. I'm from the South. I'm I talk a little slow. I add a little syllable every here and there. I can turn chair into chair, or there into there you there. I have to think about it now. But then these people that kept interrupting me, and so I thought, okay, and I let them interrupt. I let them go with it. Go for it. Knock yourself out. And then later, when they presented, the second half of my presentation solved a lot of their problems. And I I waited, and then uh a couple of weeks later, it was revealed that if they had just waited, but no, they're interrupters. And you see this and they cut people off. And I'm gonna get through this list and I'll talk to it a little more. But these are some of the most annoying interrupters. And then you got your bulldozers, they just won't talk louder. Talk louder and longer. They're filibustering. What the heck? But they they just bulldoze the conversation. Let's just go. You know, let's let's take that, let's put that in the parking lot because I want to talk about this. And they're louder so they get more attention and they probably get their way. All of these are forms of bullies, by the way. Then you've got your eye roller. Think of them. You're you know who they are. Are you an eye roller? Well, stop it. But the people in the room, oh, I just rolled my eyes. Oh. They dismiss the idea with their body language. They don't even, they don't even bulldoze or interrupt. It's just like, oh. It's usually associated with a or the, you know, or they raise their eyebrows and then they'll roll their eyes. Oh, that's a double whammy. Lord have mercy. But they're there, you know who they are. And then you've got to love the credit taker. They ignore the idea until they repeat it themselves. Now there are people, good people, who you have to plant the seed, they won't give you any time, and then all of a sudden it's their idea. I've used that many times. I don't care. Just so we get to do it. But that credit taker, it was it was ridiculous 30 minutes ago. Now it's toward the end of the meeting, and oh, all of a sudden they have an epiphany. Oh, please. And then this one, I don't know. It's a philosophy that has sank more companies, more churches, more groups. The we've always done it this way, person, kills innovation. It can't it can't even innovation can't even get a breath. And you know what silent people bring to a conversation, usually innovation. And so these personalities, they don't just shut down individuals, they shut down progress wherever it is. I mean, if you're an interrupter or a bulldozer, or an eye roller, or a credit taker, or a we've always done it this way person, you're in the way and you're squelching good ideas. But the main thing is you're telling a whole host of people, eh, I'm the serious one here. I don't need to hear what you got to say. And everyone suffers. Yeah. So there's some what this does long term, though, there's some there's some tragedies of this. Uh this people that in that not put them in in that not serious box just to label them. We dismiss someone's voice. We've lost more than politeness, we've lost a ton of potential. And I said it before, I want to hit it again right now. You may be one of these people that aren't taken seriously, you may be one of these personalities that squelches these people's voice, or you may know someone that does. And if you know someone that does, and you're not helping. Helping the person be taken seriously. All right, well, you're part of the problem too. And I say you because I mean all of us at different times have been there. Because when we squelch people's ideas and thoughts and input and don't take them seriously, some great ideas never get shared. I've seen many times in companies where someone was you never heard from them, and then all of a sudden a competitor's coming at you and they've got all this great stuff, and you find out the person that you wouldn't listen to left the company and went to work for them, and now they're heard. That person that wasn't given the chance, I've seen this a lot. A person wasn't given a chance on a sales team. They were stuck in the office or stuck doing something else, and they wanted a chance. Man, I built the West Coast with people like that. Just giving them a chance. And when they had the chance, boom, they weren't listened to at the other place. So sometimes great ideas just don't get shared. And creative thinking leaves the room when that happens, because we've always done it this way. Well, let's listen to the old loudmouth interrupter. That'll keep Sadie's eyes from rolling over there, and maybe she won't have her detection retina and go on disability. I don't know. And then it doesn't matter because you've got the brown nose, they're going to take credit for it anyway. It's because creative thinking has left the room. And people disengage and just stop, they stop trying after a while. And the group just becomes an echo chamber of yes men. They do, they just do what they're told. They just follow. The danger of this at work is your competition's going to kill you. You're not going to be as productive or profitable. The problem at home with this is you're raising a generation of yes men or people who just they're just they don't want to speak up. And then at play, you're not going to get you're going to get asked to play, but it's not going to be fun. And then eventually that person begins believing their voice doesn't matter again. Because when somebody stops believing in their voice, they've lost they've lost their mind. Their ideas are gone and they've lost all that. Because everybody brings value. Every person brings value. Every group benefits when all the voices are heard. Think about it. The storyteller can bring perspective. They can bring perspective. A story can make you think of things outside of the story that brings your perspective in and insight. The quiet observer, they see patterns. They do. They see patterns in people, they see patterns in ideas. They may have all kinds of talent that no one knows about. But they see patterns. The skeptic will protect against bad decisions. And what that means is when everybody gets Pollyanna with conference room euphoria, we need that skeptic to challenge it. Oh, I've had so many. I've been that person before, but I've had so many because someone needs to calm me down. In relationships, if you've got a couple that are married and neither is ever a skeptic, oh, they're going to do some ridiculous stuff. They'll probably have a lot of fun. But you got to have that skeptic to protect against unchecked bad decisions. And then you got the optimist. It's going to fuel momentum. He's going to grab that. Oh, I used to I remember some great leaders in my life that they would hear part of what you said and grab that. And it's almost like grabbing your hand and running with you. Let's go. I love that. And then the skeptics there, too, to keep you grounded. And then that practical thinker will bring it in and decide, okay, here's here's how we can execute this. Here's the logical next step. It sounds like I'm talking about work. I'm talking about all of it. Homework and play. Because great teams aren't made of people who just follow and have identical voices. You need balance. You need every angle looking at it. And that's where speaking up matters. That's where listening helps. You've got problems in your personal life, somebody's probably been through this. It might be somebody that doesn't speak up a lot. They may have the words that you need for comfort, for resolution, whatever it is. So if you can't think of someone around that, okay, yeah, I don't feel like they're being heard. Well, you can do something about it. But a lot of times people are oblivious to it, especially if you're one of the bullies I talked about earlier. So there's some signs that someone's not being heard. So watch the room. Watch the room and you'll see it. You know, someone starts speaking but stops mid-sentence. Whether they're interrupted or they saw an eye roll or something's going on, but they stop mid-sentence. They don't finish their thought. Or a person, they may repeat their idea because it was ignored the first time. If you hear a like I said, or you know, that's what I was saying, and they start to say it again, okay. They were ignored the first time. So they repeat it again. Here's a word, it's really two words, unless you misspell it. You could put a hyphen in there, I guess. But once somebody says they throw their hand, oh never mind, never mind. That's okay, never mind. That's almost like the didn't finish their sentence, but it's they feel invalidated when they say, never mind. The good leader, the good manager, the good parent, the good friend will say, No, no, no, no, let me hear it. What do you got?

unknown 28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Or the same people dominate every conversation. When you get together, and I hate to do this, but I do it. I know I was at a group meeting with some friends recently, not group meeting, we just got together, had a good time. But there are three or four of us that were dominating the conversation, and you know, I wanted to bring somebody in or say, whatever, what do you think, or how have you been, or how was your trip to Turkey, or what are you eating, or is that blood or chikach up or you know, just calm things. But if people or two people are keep dominating the conversation, okay, somebody's getting left out. And see, the thing is, good ideas only appear once someone else repeats it louder. That's somebody's getting ignored. There's a good idea, and almost like the one where hey, it's got to be somebody else's idea first. But a lot of times you watch, and this is a snake, someone that hears this person say something, and they parrot it and don't give them credit. Okay, somebody's being left out. And you'll see those patterns. You'll see the patterns at homework and play. You'll see it in a golf foresome. You'll see it over a dinner table. Definitely see it at a family reunion, and it runs rampant at the office. Okay, I painted a dark picture. Let me take you to the promised land because there are some glorious things that happen when everybody has a voice. And that's where we want to be. If you're a leader, fine. If you're not the leader of the group, you can still make this happen. And it's glorious because ideas multiply. That's a great idea. And then you say, you know, one time I did that, or we did something similar, and here's what happened, or here's what we did. We did that only. We added boom. You're not stealing ideas, you're collaborating, and ideas multiply. Also, confidence is going to grow. Just like I said earlier, people find their voice. That idea is heard, and hey, that's a good idea. Don't you love that? Why do you think wait uh, well, I'll say waiters, when you order something, oh, that's a good choice. Yeah, thank you. You're welcome. I can't wait to order dessert now. Because you have more confidence. You were told that's a good idea. That's a nice choice. You know what you're doing. Good on you. And then, you know, the creativity is going to expand. What's another idea? You know what else I've been thinking? Of course, that can be dangerous with me, but it's creativity expands. The confidence grows. These are great ideas. And you got the skeptic that's going to rein you in. But better decisions are going to be made and you're going to put forth a better product. And the thing is, people feel ownership in the outcome. I was a part of that. Yeah, I was a part of that. That can be everything from volunteering at an animal shelter to church or whatever you want. Or just being a part of a group. And when something happens, well, ah, I was a part of that. I'm in a band, and you know, I'm not the uh the most talented person by far. I'm not the best player, I'm not the best singer. I play a mean cowbell, but still, the and it is mean, it's annoying, quite honestly. However, when we get praise, when my band gets praise, I'm a part of that. Oh, I feel better. It's great. I want to do more. Let's go. Because when feel when people feel ownership, they bring energy. And when they bring energy, a commitment will come along with that. And then when people are committed, things, by God, get done. And I love it. It's exciting to me. I've seen it, I've been fortunate enough to be on growing teams. I've built a lot of teams, and just to see those, that diamond and the rough start to sparkle. And then when you're man when your salespeople become managers, and then they become higher level and they hire managers. And so you see them train and you think back, I remember when they were afraid to talk to a customer. I remember when they screwed that up. But they kept going because they were heard. And you need in your life, you need for yourself to pick people you can be an advocate for. Homework and play. Be an advocate for this person until they can be that for themselves. So if you're someone who either hasn't been taken seriously or your day hasn't come yet, don't be silent. Don't be quiet. Your voice may be quieter, but your style may be different. This is how you approach it. I had somebody in a meeting one time, and she she wasn't a talker, but she made a little uh a handout of her idea. And the words and the graphics on the page were like, whoa, where did you get this done? I did it. You did this, and we were, and the more we ask her about this fantastic idea and presentation, the more confident she got. The next thing you know, she's at the front of the table. She's pulling up a PowerPoint and showing her not a quiet voice, not loud, not overbearing. So her her voice was quieter and her style was different, but the delivery, it didn't dominate the room, but it was the idea we all needed, and it gave us ideas. We could take this and we need to expand on it. Just because you you haven't been acknowledged, you don't talk like everybody else, you don't think like everybody else, it doesn't mean you don't matter. And while I'm not talking to you necessarily, I'm talking to people you know that are in this box. And for the rest of us in the room, let's just listen. Really? I mean, really listen to these people. Listen to everybody. If they're not talking, ask for input. The best teams I were on, you knew you're gonna get called on. So you better bring something to the table. Because sometimes the best idea in the room is sitting quietly at the table, waiting for someone just to say, What do you think? It's important. Call on that person. If you are that person, find a way to engage. Let's help each other out. Alright? Take me seriously at moments like this. I appreciate it so much. Hit me up, david at otalks.com or davidotalks.com. Hit the website, there's stuff on there. I am uh I'm loving it. I've getting so I've got so many ideas. I missed a couple of uh I missed a couple of podcasts and I got hate mail. And it was I c I would call it hate mail because people were fussing, but it was really love mail because you miss me. I'm back, baby. So let's go. Thanks for hanging out. Thanks for hanging on. But most of all, thanks for O talking with Dave. Kiddy up.